0 (2s):
Who's ready to rock today? Fire Nation, JLD here and welcome to Entrepreneurs on Fire, brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network with great shows like CEO School. Today we'll be breaking down the mistakes parents make when their kids invite them into their LGBTQ+ worlds. To drop these value bombs, I have brought Dr. Lulu into EOFire Studios. Dr. Lulu is a Nigerian born queer, a former US Air Force Lieutenant Colonel Disabled veteran, semi-retired pediatrician, three-time, 10x speaker, 7x bestselling author, youth suicide prevention activist, LGBTQ+, youth advocate, and mom of a transgender young adult who lives in and agitates the governor of Texas.

0 (45s):
In today, our Nation, we'll be talking about the story of Dr. Lulu. We'll be talking about suicide and the sad reality behind it. We'll be talking about LGBTQ+ and youth advocacy. We'll talk about Dr. Lulu's story with Oprah and so much more. And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes to Lulu and our sponsors. Is this your year? Visit ThriveTimeshow.com to see testimonials of how Clay Clark's Business Coaching has helped over 2000 entrepreneurs to dramatically increase profitability. It's month to month and less money than an average minimum wage employee. Schedule your free consultation today at thrivetimeshow.com.

0 (1m 26s):
Outbound Squad, hosted by Jason Bay is brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals. Tune in for convos with leading sales experts and top performing reps to help you land more meetings with your ideal clients. One of my faves, The Monthly app with Jason Ethan, where they share hacks, tips and tricks. Listen to Outbound Squad wherever you get your podcasts. Dr. Lulu, say What's up to Fire Nation And share something that you believe about becoming successful, that most people disagree with

1 (1m 60s):
Becoming successful, that most people disagree with. It's about honoring your inner child

0 (2m 6s):
Fire nation. As you can tell, we're having a special interview today about the mistakes parents make when their kids invite them into their lgb LGBTQ plus world. And you, Dr. Lulu, had quite the coming out story to your father. Let's hear that. Now.

1 (2m 25s):
I was born bred, buttered, and slightly burned in Nigeria, which is one of the most homophobic countries in West Africa. Ironically, Nigeria is also one of the most religious countries in West Africa. So go figure. When I was 11, I got into a boarding school for girls. So it was an all girls boarding school. I was a nice little innocent girl. But by the time I was 16, which was time to graduate, it's a five year high school, I, I realized that I like girls. I was like, okay, is this a coincidence? What is it? What is it? And I told my dad, you know who my dad and I are still buddies till this date. And my dad, you know, like most African parents, what he knew was it's a phase.

1 (3m 7s):
So he was like, no, it's just a phase. You grow out of it. And so I believed him, which is what most children will do. Well, 26 years later, I did not grow out of it. I had finished the first marriage with my ex to my ex-husband, and I was like, yeah, I really like Keisha. See if we can act on that likeness. But anyway, the point I'm trying to make is it was not a phase. I didn't grow out of it, neither did my own child. When she came into the world as a boy at, you know, at least as, as sign as a male at birth. And we were trying to raise a boy, and I was like, this kid is a little too feminine for me. Mm. What's going on?

1 (3m 46s):
And when, when she was 12, I actually asked her if she was gay. And she was like, no, mom, I'm not sure. She said, I'm not sure. But what I heard was no, which is kind of funny, right? Kids would tell you something and you hear something else. I heard no. So I said, you know, jubilating, oh yes, thank you, God. Phew. Please don't make him gay. Please don't make him gay. But God was like, so you think gay is the worst thing that I can make? Mikey? We're gonna call my kid Mikey. And I was like, yes. And God was like, Nope, I have other things for you. How about transgender? I'm like, what are you doing? God, no. And then God was like, so who do you think I should make their child gay?

1 (4m 28s):
You are a self-proclaimed talkative. You're agitator. You're a speaker, you're an author. You're this and that. So who do you want me to send? And I was like, well, I mean, if you put it that way, I guess. And then God was like, well, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna send you to do this work, but I'm gonna send people like John Lee doma to set the stage for you to give you a platform to get the word out there. But this work you must do otherwise, they're gonna end up in the belly of the fish. And let me tell you, that's not gonna go look good with my, with my style. So I was like, okay, God, I'll do what you I want. I'll do what I gotta do. I love my kid and embraced my kid. But that was only after I had been extremely homophobic towards my child.

1 (5m 12s):
There's an entity in the LGBT plus community called internalized homophobia. Internalized homophobia only occurs, you guessed it, amongst LGBT plus persons. Hello. We hear all these negative narratives and negative whatnots coming at us from every corner. And so we start to believe that we are indeed bad. There's something wrong with us. We're, you know, bound for hell. And we start hating ourselves, and we start hating anybody that is like us. And so most, and I'm gonna say this with my full chest, like they say in Nigeria with my full chest, most extremely homophobic people are actually closeted gays.

1 (5m 54s):
Yes, I said it. I said it on John Lee Dumas's podcast. I said it, come get me. That's it,

0 (6m 1s):
Dr. Lulu, we have a lot to talk about. And I love that you're just cutting straight to the point. Something I, I think's an important topic that is actually near and dear to my heart for a lot of reasons, is suicide. Because I'm a veteran. And when a lot of people think about suicides, they think about veterans over 40 suicides a day, which is so sad. And you're a former US Air Force Lieutenant Colonel, so I know this is meaningful to you as well. But people also think about those addicted to narcotics when it comes to suicide. But we also need to talk about youth suicide prevention. Talk to us about this topic.

1 (6m 39s):
That is a topic that's so near and dear to my heart. Not only because I have looked suicide in the eye and what I, I like to say that I've looked suicide in the eye, but also I have lost more than one patient to suicide. Most people don't know that I'm a real physician. Like, I'm like, I'm a real doctor. I'm actually like a pediatrician. This is my 32nd year of being a physician. So I've been around for a minute. I lost my very first patient in 2008, I believe he was 15. And then before that, I lost a friend, a colleague, another Nigerian female physician to suicide.

1 (7m 19s):
And then I nearly lost a seven year old patient to me in 2016 to suicide. So I have looked suicide in the eye. As a matter of fact, my first TEDx talk is titled Childhood Trauma and What You Can Do to Help, because they didn't want me to use the word suicide in it, but really it's about suicide prevention in youth. What I like to say that most people will think is counterintuitive, but I'm gonna say with my full chest, is when it comes to childhood suicide, we must think trauma first. Yes. For adult suicide. Y'all can think whatever y'all wanna think. Usually they say depression and all that. But really, if you look at what the W H O has on their list of suicides, the top three common reasons for suicide, mental illness doesn't even make the cut.

1 (8m 5s):
The first one is relationship problems, ie. Divorce, I don't know, breakups, you know, parental rejection. That's a relationship, right? We had to look at that then financial problems in 2008, after the.com burst, we had a spike in suicides that was not mental illness, that was loss of financial. So the point I'm trying to make is the number one reason for children to decide to jump, which is what I like to say, it's usually betrayal from a trusted person around them. And that's what I said on my part, on my TEDx talk, is parental betrayal.

1 (8m 46s):
Friends between them, tears between them being sexually assaulted by their trusted uncle or Christ. In in, in the case of a Catholic kid, whatever you can think of as childhood trauma. When children lose that trust, then they're now go into the spiral of, I'm not good enough. And then that voice says, send them, you know what? You deserved it, or you should have seen it coming. Or What were you thinking? Or all of these words that start coming at you. And then before you know it, yes, you go to the doctor, yes, they give you an antidepressant. True. But the number one side effect of antidepressants is suicidal ideation. So what are we talking about here? We're talking about parents trying to reverse the way they look at suicide.

1 (9m 30s):
For instance, in the b t community, in the past 12 months, up to 47% of LGBT plus kids, particularly gender nonconformists, have seriously considered suicide. Not because they're mentally ill, but because of the way the society treats them. Because they're queer. We have to look at these things. We cannot pretend that the random governor of Texas making a law about BT kids and their parents being arrested for supporting their trans kids is okay with a child. It's not okay. We have to look at what we're doing to these children and how we're trying to cause something that's good and otherwise should be celebrated to become something that is bad and almost a burden on the child.

1 (10m 13s):
And if it's a burden on my child, then it's a burden on me. So anyway, I don't even know if I answered your question, John, but let's just roll with it.

0 (10m 20s):
We're gonna roll with it because you're talking about a lot of important topics that are coming up in the world today, and they're not going anywhere, Fire Nation. And we're talking about this and more when we get back from thanking our sponsors.

ZipRecruiter (10m 34s):
Have you ever thought about starting a completely new business from scratch? Maybe a nonprofit or a bakery serving up the most chocolatey croissants? Yum. Whether you're starting a new business or growing one, if you want it to be successful, you need the most talented people on your team. That's where ZipRecruiter comes in. And right now, you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com/fire. Why choose ZipRecruiter for your hiring needs? Well, ZipRecruiter's powerful matching technology finds highly qualified candidates for any type of role. They also offer attention grabbing labels to attract the best candidates, like remote positions or training provided. Let ZipRecruiter fill all your roles with the right candidates.

ZipRecruiter (11m 14s):
After all, four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day, see for yourself. Go to this exclusive web address to try ZipRecruiter for free. ziprecruiter.com/fire. Again, that's ziprecruiter.com/fire. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire.

Thrivetime Show | Business School without the BS Clay Clark (11m 35s):
Are you ready to grow your business? Now? What if you could learn the proven systems and processes that have been used to grow thousands of multi-million dollar success stories at thrivetimeshow.com. See testimonials of how Clay Clark's proven business coaching has helped over 2000 clients to increase profitability dramatically. Clay's proven business coaching program is month to month and less money than hiring a minimum wage employee. Sound too good to be true? Go to Thrivetime show.com to see over 2000 documented success stories. Because Clay only takes on 160 clients. He personally designs your business plan for you. Then Clay's team of talented designers, videographers, web developers, workflow mappers, and account coaches will help you implement that proven plan.

Thrivetime Show | Business School without the BS Clay Clark (12m 16s):
See over 2000 verify success stories and schedule your free one-on-one 13-point assessment with Mr. Clay Clark himself today at thrivetimeshow.com. Knowledge will not attract money unless it is organized and directed through practical plans of action. Become the next success story. Schedule your free 13-point assessment today at thrivetimeshow.com.

Hubspot (12m 38s):
Tech is great. It can help us grow and scale our businesses in so many ways, but it can also be clunky, time consuming to manage and expensive. That's why I'm excited to introduce you to HubSpot CRM, the best platform to speed up your sales and scale your business without blowing your budgets. HubSpot's all in one CRM helps you automate tedious tasks, keep track of all your deals in one place, and make sure your whole team has access to the same data. No need to worry about the management and cost of a massive tech stack. HubSpot gives you everything you need all in one place. Plus, with fast activation, HubSpot makes it easy for the entire team to get up to speed, saving you precious time. And best of all, you can try it before you buy.

Hubspot (13m 19s):
No commitment, no hidden fees, not even a credit card is needed to sign up. Get started for free at hubspot.com. That's hubspot.com.

0 (13m 29s):
Dr. Lulu, there's a phrase that's called invite in, that's being used a lot more often. Sometimes I, I'm thinking it's, it's in the place of coming out. So what is invite in? And what became of coming out

1 (13m 45s):
To answer that question, which is a great question to answer that question. I'm gonna send Fire Nation to take a quick 15 minute break and watch my second TEDx talk after you finish listening to this episode is titled, rethinking the Closet Coming out as LGBTQ Plus versus Inviting In. And I heard the phrase inviting in maybe a year or so ago when I was on another podcast. And I said to the lady, I made a declaration, I said, you know what? I love that concept so much. That's gonna be the the topic of my next TEDx talk. And you know, there's power in proclamation. So the whole concept is number one, whose closet is it anyway?

1 (14m 28s):
Whose idea was it to put any human experience in a closet? When you look at the origin of the word closet and how l g BT plus persons became synonymous with the word closet, you see that it was actually started by, I'm gonna go there, cis white men once upon a time, many, many moons ago. And the idea was, you know, you, you hide this aspect of your life. You pretend it doesn't exist unless hide it in a place where no one will find it, which is what we do with closets, right? You put your old shoes, your old coats, your school books or whatever things in the closet and your bones and your skeletons, and then close it. But what you're doing in essence is hiding a portion, it's significant portion, not the main portion, but a significant part of somebody's life away in a closet causing multiple ripple effects like mental health challenges.

1 (15m 20s):
People are afraid to even say that they're gay, because guess what? So these have shown that they're two peak periods of suicidal behavior in queer youth when they first realized that they're indeed queer or gay or L G B T, and when they share with their family members a k A coming out. So if we're gonna talk about coming out, that means I am hiding something and I'm going to now bring it up to you. But the whole concept of inviting in is you the listener, you the adult, you the other person needs to create a safe enough space for me to invite you into my world.

1 (16m 5s):
So my world now becomes a beautiful rainbow world with all kinds of declarations and any kind of flowers I wanna put in it, it's my special place. It's not in a closet, it's not hidden, it's not a secret, it's not a shameful thing, it just is. But you have to earn your invitation. So I get to invite you in because you created a safe enough space. A k a, you become an ally. So being an ally is a doing word allies, like love is an action word. You don't become an ally secretly, you must announce your allyship. I must see that you are putting things in place to make me feel safe enough to say, you know what, John, I'm gonna tell you something, something really special about me.

1 (16m 51s):
Did you know that I'm bisexual? And that way, because I know that John, you're gonna be like, oh my goodness, let's go have a drink. Let's celebrate or whatever. As opposed to what? Don't tell anybody that that's a secret, that's a shame. How did you know? Are you sure? Who told you that you are? Have you been sexually active? Were you sexually assaulted? You know, things like that. All those myths, mistakes and misconceptions about the queer community. So inviting in is about empowerment. It's about owning your shit as it were. That this is who I am and I have no apologies and I'm only going to invite you into my space if I find you worthy. And as the host who owns the right to invite you, I also own the right to disinvite you or to upgrade you, or to do whatever I wanna do.

1 (17m 37s):
But I own it. I'm not hiding in any closet. That's the long version of the difference between inviting in and coming out. But especially since suicidal behavior has been linked to the coming out process, cliff has been linked to that. Then why don't we rephrase the words and make these kids free to be who they are. Thankfully, the next generations, the millennials and the Gen Xs and the Gen Z rather, the millennials and the Gen Zers and the Gen offers actually are the most accepting and most affirming generations so far. So the new generations, they know this thing. They know that it's okay to just be who you are and let's move on.

1 (18m 20s):
We need to learn how to be that.

0 (18m 23s):
That was powerful. Thank you Dr. Lulu for sharing everything about inviting in and what became of coming out. Let's talk about the Queen Oprah story. You were interviewed. Tell us that story.

1 (18m 38s):
So I was mining my business about a year or so ago, and I saw a call for the, I think it was like a call for like, do you wanna be interviewed on Oprah daily? Do you have a job? Or do you have something that you do that is of service to the community? And I was like, I have something that I do that is of service to community. I work in youth suicide prevention. I'm a black queer physician mom of a transgender youth. I, I think I can do this. I am doing this work to help create awareness for youth suicide, especially in the L g BT Plus community.

1 (19m 20s):
I think that's service. So I apply and I forget all about it. And then like in June, I get an email that Oprah opened this interview by Oprah. Of course, I didn't believe it. So I discarded. I just deleted. I'm like, you know what, these guys, they're not gonna get my money because I'm thinking somebody wants my money. And then I get another email like a month later says, please open, or something like that, that do not either do not discard or something like that. And I'm like, wait, is this real? I call my kid. I said, this says it's from Oprah Hearst Magazine. What is that? So my kid was like, well, mom, I mean, I don't know. You know, you've been hacked before, so you sure you wanna open it?

1 (20m 2s):
I said, well, let's look at who is her hers magazine. And then we look and it's like, Oprah. I'm like, what? Open it. And so we opened it and we responded, and then we got invited to be interviewed on oprah daily.com. She's doing this The Life You Want Masterclass. And that masterclass we're gonna have, we're gonna have Rebecca Welch and I forget his name, the African American guy, and anyway, who's gonna be there? And then we're gonna like just, I just thought we're just gonna be in the, in the audience. But no, you get to be asked questions by Oprah. And then Oprah asks me about imposter syndrome.

1 (20m 43s):
Wow. I'm like, so what happened was she was like, Dr. Lulu, tell me about this importer syndrome. How so? You know? And I said, you know what the truth is, yes, I'm doing the work. Yes, I'm talkative. Yes, I'm loud. Yes, I'm in your face. Yes, I'm passionate. And a lot of times I go to bed afraid. Afraid for my child, afraid for myself. I live in Texas, people wanna arrest me just for loving and supporting my kid every now and again. I'm afraid that no one is gonna listen to me. I'm black, I have an accent. You know what I mean? All those things. And she was like, well, I'll tell you something. You are gallant. You are a trailblazer. You are a queen.

1 (21m 23s):
Don't you ever think that you have imposter syndrome again? And I was like, yes, auntie Oprah. So the truth about it is, we all have moments when we experience imposter syndrome, especially as entrepreneurs. We don't think we're doing enough. We don't think we're making enough difference. We don't think anybody wants to hear what we have to say. Like, why me? Right? But the truth is, why not you? Why not you? Like who else is going to do it? Like I said, you know, the conversation I had with God, who else is gonna do this work if not you? And the truth about ideas when it comes to entrepreneurship is if you don't act on it, God is gonna give that idea to somebody else who's gonna do it. So you might as well just just pull the, the bandaid and just jump and then figure it out on your way down.

1 (22m 10s):
That's what I have to say. So that's kind of how I got on Oprah. And yes, so I get to say, I was interviewed by Oprah. We spent 11 minutes, Oprah and I, 11 minutes.

0 (22m 22s):
That's, that's a lot's the eternity to spend with Oprah. I mean, if you boil that down to what her dollars per hour is that she's worth, it's, it's millions and millions of dollars. So Dr. Lulu, let's end with a bang. You have an upcoming book, launch and retreat. Tell us all the details.

1 (22m 39s):
So one of the things I realized, and thank you for that question, one of the re the things I realized is when it comes to entrepreneurship, you gotta put yourself out there. You know, invisibility is the killer. And then when it comes to accepting your LGBTQ+ child, lack of self-acceptance is the killer. So, I put those two things together. I said, okay, if you don't accept yourself, you cannot accept your child. Now what lies beneath self-acceptance, self-love. So, I said, okay, how about put this self-love thing to the test? And then I created a self-love journal, and I published that in November of 2022.

1 (23m 21s):
It's literally called Dr. Lulu Self-Love Journal with a 30-day challenge prompt. So, I was looking at the journal and I was like, okay, so this self-love journal on a daily basis, you ask yourself, you know, why did I love myself today? And then if you so you're gonna love yourself, how much better are you gonna now love your child? Because now you love yourself? Because now you accept yourself. So, we are having a self-love retreat for parents of l g BT plus kids. Seven lucky parents are gonna rock the house with me this fall. Stay tuned for the exact dates. But in the meantime, go to drlulu.com/retreat for all of the details, all of the frequently asked questions, everything you'd like to know about this amazing retreat for you by me, Dr.

1 (24m 10s):
Lulu. Thank you.

0 (24m 11s):
Wow. Fire Nation, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. You've been hanging out with Dr. Lulu and JLD today, so keep up the heat. If you have any direct questions, eofire.com, just type Lulu in the search bar. That'll pull the show notes page with links to everything, ways to contact Dr. Lulu, all that jazz. And one more time, what is that direct URL to that call to action? Dr lulu

1 (24m 37s):
drLulucom/retreat.

0 (24m 42s):
Dr. Lulu, thank you for sharing your truth, your knowledge, your value with Fire Nation today. For that, we salute you and we'll catch you on the flip side.

1 (24m 52s):
Yay.

0 (24m 53s):
Hey, Fire Nation, a huge thank you to our sponsors and Dr. Lulu for sponsoring today's episode And Fire Nation's successful entrepreneurs accomplish big goals. That's why I created the Freedom Journal to guide you in accomplishing your number one goal in a hundred days. And we're talking step by step. Visit thefreedomjournal.com and I'll catch you there, or I'll catch you on the flip side. Is this your year? Visit thrivetimeshow.com to see testimonials of how Clay Clark's business coaching has helped over 2000 entrepreneurs to dramatically increase profitability. It's month to month and less money than an average minimum wage employee. Schedule your free consultation today at thrivetimeshow.com. Outbound Squad, hosted by Jason Bay is brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals.

0 (25m 39s):
Tune in for convos with leading sales experts and top performing reps to help you land more meetings with your ideal clients. One of my faves, The Monthly app with Jason Ethan, where they share hacks, tips and tricks. Listen to Outbound Squad wherever you get your podcasts.