Bobbi L. Parish endured decades of trauma and mental illness, failed by the systems meant to help. She founded The International Association of Trauma Recovery Coaching, changing the way trauma survivors recover.
BobbiParish.com – Check out all resources, including a workbook on how to work with your inner critic.
3 Value Bombs
1) There’s a part of the brain called the default mode network, and it’s in charge of taking in what we learn socially and creating our sense of self.
2) If there is only one thing that you can do for someone else, it is to be a compassionate witness and to listen to everything that they have to say. Meet them without judgment.
3) Trauma is the great disconnector. It disconnects us from ourselves, it disconnects us from the people around us, and it disconnects us from the world at large.
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**Click the time stamp to jump directly to that point in the episode.
Today’s Audio MASTERCLASS: If the System Doesn’t Work, Create a New One
[1:15] – Bobbi shares something that she believes about becoming successful that most people disagree with.
- If you’ve had a lack of success in the past, and you have had a whole bunch of people tell you that you can’t do it, then they’re wrong. You can do it.
[1:56] – What happens when you let the past define you as a person?
- As a child, being told that there was something wrong with you, you were broken, you couldn’t do the things… When we let those things define us, we let them limit us.
[2:57] – Why did it feel like successful entrepreneurship was unavailable to you?
- Everyone told her that there was something wrong with her.
- Her professors told her that she had no potential to contribute to the field because of the trauma that she had endured and the mental health issues that she had suffered.
[4:14] – Bobbi talks about trauma changing our brains.
- There’s a part of the brain called the default mode network, and it’s in charge of taking in what we learn socially and creating our sense of self.
[5:43] – Bobbi’s message to trauma survivors.
- Oftentimes we’re told that our inner critic is telling us we can’t do it.
- Those voices get set into our system in service of our own survival, they’re trying to prevent us from ever being hurt again.
- Bobbi’s childhood was filled with trauma, all sorts of trauma. She went into a significant depression in her 20’s and tried to get help, and ended up bouncing in and out of seven different psychiatric wards.
- In 2017, she launched the International Association of Trauma Recovery Coaching, and she began teaching other people how to be trauma recovery coaches.
[9:19] – A timeout to thank our sponsors!
- Elite Singles: Busy, successful professional looking for a partner who shares your drive and values? Then Elite Singles is the perfect dating platform for you! Sign up at EliteSingles.com/fire, complete your personality test, and start making meaningful connections today!
- HubSpot: HubSpot’s all-in-one CRM helps you automate tedious tasks, keep track of all your deals in one place, and make sure your whole team has access to the same data. Get started for free at HubSpot.com!
[12:42] – Using neuroscience to rewire our brain.
- Trauma is the great disconnector. It disconnects us from ourselves, it disconnects us from the people around us, and it disconnects us from the world at large.
- If there is only one thing that you can do for someone else, it is to be a compassionate witness and to listen to everything that they have to say. Meet them without judgment.
[15:28] – Bobbi talks about psychedelics.
- What these psychedelics do is they allow us to access parts of our brain that are usually armored up.
- They allow us to bypass that armor and get to those parts of ourselves that need that compassion
[17:48] – How can Bobbi change the world?
- Everyone who comes into their program is a trauma survivor. They have lived that experience. They know what it is like to go into the pits of hell and live there – and they are willing to go wherever their clients need to go.
- Build the life that you love to live.
[20:04] – Bobbi’s key takeaway and call to action.
- BobbiParish.com – Check out all resources, including a workbook on how to work with your inner critic.
[20:52] – Thank you to our Sponsor!
- HubSpot: HubSpot’s all-in-one CRM helps you automate tedious tasks, keep track of all your deals in one place, and make sure your whole team has access to the same data. Get started for free at HubSpot.com!
Who's ready to rock today? Fire Nation, JLD here. And welcome to Entrepreneurs on Fire, brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network with great shows like Duct Tape Marketing. Today we'll be talking about how if the system doesn't work, create a new one to drop these value bombs. I brought Bobby Parish into EOFire Studios. Bobby endured decades of trauma and mental illness failed by the systems meant to help. She founded the International Association of Trauma Recovery Coaching, changing the way trauma survivors Recover, and we'll Talk Fire Nation about being a trauma survivor. We'll talk about how to have a positive mindset, how neuroscience can rewire our brain, and how Bobby's going to change the world and so much more.
And a big thank you for sponsoring today's episode goes to Bobby and our sponsors Outbound Squad, hosted by Jason Bay is brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals. Tune in for convos with leading sales experts and top performing reps to help you land more meetings with your ideal clients. One of my faves, The Monthly app with Jason Ethan, where they share hacks, tips and tricks. Listen to Outbound Squad, wherever you get your podcasts. Bobby, say What's up to Fire Nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with.
1 (1m 22s):
Oh, I am so, I'm so overjoyed to be able to share with you this. Yes, because it affected me for most of my life. And it is that if you have had a lack of success in the past and you have had a whole bunch of people tell you that you can't do it, they're wrong. You can do
0 (1m 42s):
It. Fire Nation, you can do it. And that's one of the themes of today's episode, because if the system doesn't work, create a new one. That's our focus, that's our conversation today. And I wanna start by talking about what happens when you let the past define you as a person. Talk to us about that, Bobby.
1 (2m 4s):
Yes, you bet. Because so many of us have experienced this. Whether it was your parents when you were young, whether it was the school system, whether it was your peers. For me it was going into the mental health system and asking for help because of the trauma that I endured as my child, as a child. And being told that there was something wrong with me. I was broken. I couldn't do the things. And when we let those things define us, we let them limit us. Then we have few things up open to us
0 (2m 41s):
In Fire Nation. We're not here to limit ourselves. We are here to take control of our presence, to make our future. Because if the system doesn't work, we're gonna create a new one. And you, Bobby, are a trauma survivor. Why does it feel like successful entrepreneurship was unavailable to you?
1 (3m 4s):
Because everyone told me that there was something wrong with me. When I went to grad school to become a marriage and family therapist. My professors told me that I had no potential to contribute to the field because of the trauma that I had endured and the mental health issues that I had suffered with because of that. And I let that shut me down. And I took that on as the truth. And so, you know, it's interesting because I've listened to your podcast for years. Ah, I
0 (3m 34s):
1 (3m 35s):
And I thought, oh, that's never gonna be me. I can't do that. I, I, I've been told by all these people that, that it's not possible for me to do that. And, and I believed it. And so I was limited by my own beliefs about who I was and what I had the potential to
0 (3m 53s):
Do. This is powerful stuff, Fire Nation. And I really hope that this podcast is going to get through to you if you need it and you're listening or think about somebody in your life that could use this message and share with them. Because this is powerful things because trauma actually changes our brain. Yes. And makes it harder to believe in ourselves and actually have a positive mindset. So Bobby, tell us more about this topic.
1 (4m 22s):
Yes. Trauma changes your brain. There's a part of the brain called the Default mode network. And it's the part of our brain that is in charge of taking in what we learn socially and creating our sense of self. So if we have been told by the people around us, especially people that we really care about, like our parents, like our peers, like the system that we go to to get help, that there's something wrong with us and we can't do whatever it is that we wanna do. That hard wires into our brain. And so when someone says to us, oh, well, you know, just shift your mindset. Just, just think more positively.
1 (5m 4s):
And I want everybody out there who's listening, who's ever been told that if you just thought differently about yourself that everything would be okay. I want you to hear that. That's because that's the way your brain's been wired. It's not you. There's nothing wrong with you. And you can rewire your brain
0 (5m 25s):
Fire Nation. It is possible. Bobby's done it. Many people that she's known have done it. People she's worked with have done it. Because listen, this is the one pass at life that we have right now, in this moment. What do you want to tell trauma survivors out there right now? Bobby?
1 (5m 45s):
I wanna let them know that they can rewire their brain and I wanna tell them how. You know, oftentimes we're told that that inner critical voice in our head that's telling us, oh, you can't do it. And that's the part, part that's that voice that comes from that default mode network. What we're often told is just to tell that voice, be quiet. Go away. I don't have to listen to you. But the reality is that what changes that voice is meeting it with compassion. Because those voices get set into our system in service of our own survival. They're trying to prevent us from ever being hurt again.
1 (6m 27s):
What that voice is actually trying to say to you is, be small, be quiet, be invisible. Don't step a foot out there because you might just have someone say to you again, oh, I see you and you're not good enough. Oh, I see you and there's something wrong with you. Right? So instead of turning to that inner voice and saying, go away, you're bugging me. You say to that voice, Hey, I see you and I know you've been trying to help me. What do you need me to know? And, and what can I let you know so that you can stand down?
1 (7m 10s):
That's what rewires your brain. Bobby,
0 (7m 12s):
Can you give us a personal story? Cuz I'm really moved by your story, moved by what you've accomplished with all the trauma you've experienced, with the struggles that you've had. And I know Fire Nation would really resonate with something that came directly from your life.
1 (7m 29s):
Yes, you bet. So my childhood was filled with trauma, all sorts of trauma. And I went into a, a significant depression in my twenties and tried to get help bounced in and outta seven different psychiatric wards. I was homeless for a while, disabled, unable to work. And finally got on my feet and got back into school, got my grad degree, but was told by my professors, Hey, you don't have any potential to contribute because of what you've been through. And I sat with that for a long time and I believed it. But I finally figured out that I wanted to change my life and I did not want other trauma survivors to go through what I went through.
1 (8m 18s):
So in 2017, I launched the International Association of Trauma Recovery Coaching and I began teaching other people how to be trauma recovery coaches. And we now have trained over the past five years, 600 coaches around the globe to work with trauma survivors. And that's what I mean when I say if the system is broken, because the system I tried to get help in was definitely broken. I made a new one. And so we now have, you know, my goal is to flood the earth.
1 (8m 59s):
Yes. With trauma recovery coaches that anybody out there who has an internet connection can connect with a trauma recovery coach and get the help they need and not have to suffer for 30 years like I suffered. Mm.
0 (9m 14s):
Fire Nation. We have some powerful things to talk about when we get back from thanking our sponsors. I still can't believe Kate and I met as neighbors almost 13 years ago. We were incredibly lucky to find ourselves sharing a wall. Both of us driven individuals who share the same values because I know that can be tough to find. If you're a busy, successful professional looking for a partner who shares your drive and values and your neighbor isn't quite your perfect match, then Elite Singles is the perfect dating platform for you. With their psychologist backed personality test, you'll receive tailor matches in less than 25 minutes. And in order to help millions of like-minded singles enjoy a secure dating experience, their team performs regular safety checks and is on hand.
0 (9m 58s):
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0 (10m 42s):
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0 (11m 33s):
Yeah. You know, if you consider your mid-twenties young and you know, I was absolutely an army officer in war of the 16 men that I took to Iraq for did not return. And I've really carried that with me Yes. For my life. And you know, I, I've worked through it but of course I dealt with PTs d and I still deal with, with survivor's guilt and things along those lines. Yeah. And you know, it's definitely, it's definitely trauma and I see so many veterans deal with the same. In fact, you know, there's a scary number that's out there. 22 veterans commit suicide every single day. I've had people on the show that talk about this cuz they're the experts and we've done past shows about just that crazy number 22 veteran suicides a day.
0 (12m 19s):
And it's, yeah, it's really sad. It's really scary and you know, it all traces back to trauma. And one thing that you believe is that we can use neuroscience to rewire our brain. So let's talk more about that. Yes,
1 (12m 32s):
Yes, absolutely. You know, trauma is the great disconnector. It disconnects us from ourselves, it disconnects us from the people around us, and it disconnects us from the world at large because we feel like the, the shame that we carry and like you identified that the survivor guilt, those things that we carry cause us to say, I, I don't want anybody else to see what I'm carrying. I don't want anyone to see my shame, so I'm gonna disconnect. And so that the power of, of rewiring the brain is met in connection and compassionate connection.
1 (13m 14s):
You know, that's everything that I teach my trauma coaches. If there is only one thing that you can do for someone else, it is to be a compassionate witness and to listen to everything that they have to say and to meet them without judgment and to help them to reconnect, first of all with themselves. Because when we experience trauma, we tend to disconnect from ourselves. And then once they've learned how to reconnect with themselves and have a positive relationship with themselves, then they can go out and reconnect with other people and they can reconnect with the world at large and feel safe in the world.
0 (14m 1s):
One thing that I've talked about with other individuals when it comes to this topic is ayahuasca, ketamine, things along those lines. Yeah. I I have personally no experience with any of those. I I just haven't gone down that road. But I'm really curious from your perspective, is there a use for these? Where do they fit in? Do they fit in?
1 (14m 24s):
I think they do. I think they do. And it's actually, it's becoming more and more accepted within the mental health community. In fact, just a couple weeks ago I heard that Harvard Medical School was going to start studying. Oh wow. But, but what they do, what these psychedelics do is they allow us access to parts of our brain that are, when we aren't using these substances that are armored up, right. Like we talked about, about the shame and the isolation and the survivor guilt. What that does is that armors us because our brain says, look, that was an awful thing to go through. Let's never, never, never go through that again. And so it puts up these walls and gives us these inner critics that are chattering away in our head that tell us to stay small and stay quiet.
1 (15m 11s):
But what the psychedelics do is they allow us to bypass that armor and get to those parts of ourselves that need that compassion at, need that welcoming without judgment, and also need not to be pathologized. Right. Everybody who's experienced trauma struggles and whether they struggle in their struggle, they reach for an addiction or they reach for rage or whatever it is that they reach for in an effort to survive, it's because they're just trying to survive. And so when we use these psychedelics, it allows us to get past those defenses and touch into those core wounds and heal them in amounts of time that it would take you, you know, weeks, months, even years to do.
1 (16m 6s):
So. It's really an exciting unfolding field.
0 (16m 9s):
That's good to hear because I know a lot of my friends are potentially gonna be going down that road, or some of them actually have and have had good experiences. There's been some mixed experiences as well. So you absolutely proceed with caution Fire Nations. Yes. Yes. So Bobby, your goal is to change the world. How are you going to accomplish this?
1 (16m 27s):
What we're doing is we are, first of all taking people who have the lived experience of trauma. I think one of the reasons why the system that I tried to get and help in was so harmful as it was, is because the majority of the people who were trying to help me had no experience with trauma themselves. They had no lived experience. And so everyone who comes into our program is a trauma survivor. They have that lived experience. They know what it is like to go into the pits of hell and live there. And they are willing to go there wherever their clients need to go.
1 (17m 10s):
And so we are taking that, we are running with that. We are equipping them with all the skills that they need. And to be honest, we, we sometimes we run into a little bit of a pushback in the mainstream mental health world. They're like, you're a what? You can't coach trauma. That's not ethical. That's not okay. So we don't get a seat. We haven't gotten a seat at the big boys table. And so we built our own damn table and we're sitting around it and we are going to disrupt the system and change the system and make trauma recovery accessible to anyone who wants it.
1 (17m 53s):
And help them to reconnect with their sense of joy of life and get rid of that shame and transform those inner critics that are chattering away inside their head. And our motto is, build the life that you love to live,
0 (18m 9s):
Build the life that you'd love to live. I mean, Fire Nation, if that's not inspiring, what is, and Bobby, I want Fire Nation to learn more from you. Especially those who are connecting because there's trauma in their past or in their life or in someone that's a loved one of theirs is experiencing something along this. And it's, it's, it's pretty unlikely that anybody listening right now doesn't know somebody who needs more of this message. So how could Fire Nation connect with you? Give us a call to action to learn more from what you have going on?
1 (18m 44s):
Absolutely. So I have over on my website, if you just pop over to my website, bobby Parish.com, you'll see a tab that says resources under, there are all sorts of resources, including a workbook that I've put together specifically for Fire Nation on how to work with your inner critic and how to get that voice to transform from one that seems like it's gonna tear you down to one that is going to be your biggest cheerleader
0 (19m 19s):
Fire Nation. Again, if the system doesn't work, create a new one. This is what Bobby is doing in this world and you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. You've been hanging out with b p and JLD today. So, keep up that heat. If you have any direct questions for Bobby, find this episode on the podcast app, Paolo, post a comment, ask a question, make it happen. And eofire.com type Bobby in the search bar, the show notes page will pop up with links to everything. And Bobby, one more time. What is your final call to action for our listeners?
1 (19m 54s):
My final call to action is, if you're listening to this and you think or someone has told you, you can't do this, don't believe it, you can do it. And you can have, you can build the life that you love to live.
0 (20m 12s):
And give Fire Nation that you URL to find out more.
1 (20m 15s):
0 (20m 17s):
Bobbyparish.com. bobbyparish.com. Bobby, thank you for sharing your truth, your knowledge, your value with Fire Nation today. For that we salute you and we'll catch you on the flip side. Thank
1 (20m 33s):
0 (20m 35s):
Hey, Fire Nation, a huge thank you to our sponsors and Bobby for sponsoring today's episode and Fire Nation's Success Entrepreneurs accomplishing big goals. That's why I created the Freedom Journal to guide you in accomplishing your number one goal in a hundred days. And we're talking step by step. Visit thefreedomjournal.com and I'll catch you there or I'll catch you on the flip side. Outbound Squad hosted by Jason Bay is brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals. Tune in for convos with leading sales experts and top performing reps to help you land more meetings with your ideal clients. One of my faves, The Monthly app with Jason Ethan, where they share hacks, tips and tricks. Listen to Outbound Squad wherever you get your podcasts.
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