Elayne Fluker is the author of the new book “Get Over ‘I Got It’, host of the Support is Sexy podcast for women entrepreneurs, and founder of SiS.Academy.
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3 Value Bombs
1) You deserve it. That’s why you have to reach out for it. You deserve it.
2) It is your responsibility to step into whatever it is you feel you are called to do.
3) Remember that nothing is an implication of you and your value and what you have going on in the world.
Thinkific: Online training is skyrocketing across every industry, and thousands of entrepreneurs – just like us – are using Thinkific to create, market, and sell online courses. Launch your own online course and share your knowledge with the world today! Get started at Thinkific.com/eof.
**Click the time stamp to jump directly to that point in the episode.
Today’s Audio MASTERCLASS: How to Get Over the”I Got It” Syndrome.
[1:13] – Elayne shares something about becoming successful that most people disagree with.
- Most people believe that you can’t have it all. Elayne believes that it all depends on your definition of “All.” Your “all” could be different to somebody else’s definition of “all”.
[2:11] – Debunking the self-made myth.
- Sometimes, especially on social media, a pretty picture is just a pretty picture.
- Remember that nothing is an implication of you and your value and what you have going on in the world.
[5:51] – Elayne talks about why having it all doesn’t mean doing it all alone.
- Society and social media tend to amplify things for us.
- Getting support is the key to success – not struggling to do it all alone.
[7:42] – The three specific reasons why most ambitious women resist asking for and accepting support are…
- You feel defensive.
- You feel defiant.
- You might feel defeated.
[13:06] – Why is support so key to your business – and also the secret to peace of mind?
- More women are committing suicide today. The largest group are those who are ages 10-14. A lot of times it’s because they feel alone, isolated, and other feelings that are dangerous if you don’t get support.
- Support could be a mastermind, mentors, friends, or family. It could also be a coach you pay for.
[15:23] – Elayne talks about H.E.L.P.
- H is that Having it all doesn’t mean doing it all alone.
- E is for asking Empowered questions.
- L is about Letting go of the ‘How’ and leave the question. You have to get comfortable and courageous at leaving the question.
- P is believing in Possibilities.
[18:15] – Asking for support is not just about you.
- Marianne Williamson said, “You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure about you.”
- It is your responsibility to step into whatever it is you feel you are called to do.
[19:52] – Elayne’s key takeaway and call to action for Fire Nation!
- You deserve it. That’s why you have to reach out for it. You deserve it.
- Get Over I Got It – Find out more about Elayne’s book!
Light that spark Fire Nation. JLD here with an audio master class on how to get over the, I got it. Syndrome to drop these value bombs. I brought Elayne Fluker on the mic. She is the author of the new book Get Over 'I Got It. She's hosts of the Support is Sexy podcast for women entrepreneurs and founder of SiS.Academy. And today our nation, we will debunk the self-made myth and why having it all doesn't mean doing it alone. And three reasons. Most ambitious women resist asking for unaccepting accepting support and so much more. When we get back from thanking our sponsors online training is skyrocketing across every industry and thousands of entrepreneurs just like us are using Thinkific to create market and sell online courses, launch your own online course and share your knowledge with the world today.
Get started at Thinkific.com/EOF that's THINKIFIC.com/EOF Fire Nation. Since 2012, I've interviewed over 3000 of the world's most successful entrepreneurs. I identified the 17 core foundational principles. They all share and created a revolutionary 17 step roadmap. I then spent 480 hours turning this roadmap into a book, The Common Path to Uncommon Success, visit UncommonSuccessBook.com to learn more about this book and start your journey to financial freedom and fulfillment today. Elayne say what's up the fire nation and share something that you believe about becoming successful that most people disagree with.
1 (1m 34s):
Hi Fire Nation. I'm so excited to be here. And I got to tell you one thing that I think most people believe in. You've probably heard this before. You can't have it all. That's a saying, everybody says you can't have it all, or you can't have it all at the same time. Right? Well, I say that all depends on what your all means to you. My all is different than John's all is different than someone else's all. So you get to get to define what your all looks like.
0 (1m 58s):
I love that. I'm such a believer in finding your version of uncommon success and identifying your big idea. Like that's what a lot of people don't realize for our nation is it's on you. Like you can get out there and get this. Like, don't go after some weak pale imitation of something else that somebody is doing, just because they're successful. Like, what is it that you want, that you need? That's your zone of fire and Elayne I've shared the great introduction of you and everything that you have going on so far. Nation's well aware of your awesomeness. So let's just dive in by debunking. This self made myth.
1 (2m 33s):
It's a myth that we have projected onto other people. I don't think it's something that folks necessarily perpetuate this idea of people being self-made or I'm doing it by myself. I'm bawling all by myself. Sometimes, especially on social media, right? A pretty picture is just a pretty picture, right? It's just like John took a picture by the pool in Puerto Rico. It's beautiful. Let's move on. But we don't have to apply all these things and all these meetings and our own insecurities on it. And this isn't, you know, put down on anyone. I do it too. I have friends who live quite fabulous lives on the beach in Cabo here, they're everywhere. And I could apply all this meaning to it. And sometimes I do, but fortunately I call them and they're like, girl, I took that picture like a thousand times, or I didn't even take that picture recently.
1 (3m 15s):
That's what two years ago, you just never right. You just never know, but we apply all these meanings to it. So I want us to remember that maybe they are fabulous. Maybe they are living this fabulous life. Nothing is an implication of you and your value and what you have going on into the world. A pretty picture is sometimes a pretty picture. So don't make, think it psych a statement about who you are and your life or that this person did this all by themselves. Right? A lot of times too, on social media, we think, Oh my gosh, how is this person posting so much? Or how are they doing all these things? Or they have this book and all these other things. A lot of folks have teams. You get to a point where fortunately you can bring in people and a team could be one person. Who's a great photographer.
1 (3m 55s):
It makes it look like they're doing fantastic. Or it could be a full team of people. As we said in the beginning, it's about you and what your all means, what's important to you. So let it be more, an inspiration than something that makes you feel defeated.
0 (4m 8s):
Also add that a pretty picture is actually sometimes a miserable experience. And I'm talking from firsthand experience. Like I remember Kate and I are on this fantastic cruise in the Mediterranean. We got to this place. I think it was Corfu. And we're like, Oh, let's go have like an amazing picnic on that bluff over there, overlooking the ocean, it's going to be gorgeous. And we got all the food and we got everything ready. And then we got up there and it was so windy. San was blowing everywhere. It was cold. It was kind of wet in the air. And we're like, this is miserable, but we're like,
2 (4m 39s):
Oh, it's awful. But before we leave, let's
0 (4m 41s):
Just take one photo, like one little selfie here, again on a bluff, overlooking this beautiful ocean with a picnic right there. And let me tell you lane, we snapped that selfie. It looked fantastic. And people were like, Oh my God, I want to give everything to be there. And Kate and I to ourselves, we're like, no, you wouldn't. It was miserable. It was cold. It was wet. It was Sandy. We got the heck out. We left our food there. We didn't even want to eat it. We were like, we're out of here. We're gone. So don't overthink things by our nation. And also what you brought up for me as well lane, before we move on is comparing despair. Why are you comparing yourselves to other people, Fire Nation? Like, what am I supposed to do? Compare myself to Elon Musk, the richest person in the world about my financial situation.
0 (5m 25s):
I mean, the fact that I make, you know, multiple seven figures a year, I can despair. If I look at Elon Musk, just like he can despair by the way, if he looks at my amazing relationship, my fiancee, Kate Erickson, where he is in shambles with his relationship. So is he supposed to compare himself to meet? No. Like that's not the point. You compare yourself to one person you yesterday. If you're winning that comparison, you will be winning at life period. And you don't have to be winning that comparison every single day, because we all have down days, but more times than not. If you're winning that comparison, you will win. Elayne. Let's talk about the reality of why having it all doesn't mean doing it all alone.
1 (6m 5s):
This is something that women especially face. I don't know if men face it. I know I love when men asked me if they face it, but I'm always like, well, you tell me, do you face this? But women always women most often are the folks who struggle with this idea of we have to do it on our own to prove that our accomplishments are success or even just, you know, juggling all the balls in the air that these things don't matter. Unless I somehow portray that I'm doing it all myself, whether that's being influenced by social media or let's be real, even in society. I mean, here in the US women still make what, 70% on a dollar, 70 cents, excuse me, on a dollar of what men make just by the fact of gender, nothing else just based on gender. So there are reasons, not excuses, but there are reasons that we might feel this way.
1 (6m 49s):
Like I said, society, social media sort of amplify those things for us. What I want women to know though is you do not have to do it alone. Stop believing this and understand that getting support is actually the key to success, not struggling to do it all alone.
0 (7m 5s):
I think one of the biggest reasons for my success early on was that I joined a mastermind. It was Cliff Ravenscraft mastermind. He was the podcast answer, man. There was I think, six guys and four women in it. And we were all on our podcasting journey. So there was 10 of us that met every single week. And we got to share each other's struggles, our obstacles, our challenges with each other. But most importantly, we held each other accountable by saying, Hey, I'm going to accomplish this by the next meeting. And there were times Elayne, when I was just like the night before, Oh man, I am not going to get done my goal, but I was not going to not get it done and have to face my accountability group and let them down. So things, if I was just doing it by myself, I would have completely pushed a week.
0 (7m 46s):
And then a week turns into a month and a month turns into who knows I got it done that day. So you don't have to do it all alone. Fire Nation, masterminds, accountability, groups, friends, people that are there for you, peers that you know, like trust and respect so valuable. And I want to get into three specific reasons, Elayne, that most ambitious women, especially ambitious women resist asking for and accepting support.
1 (8m 15s):
I say, this is the three DS for most of us. Good reasons that we don't ask for support. So one is that you feel defensive, right? So as we said before, there might be reasons that I think, Oh no, at the office, if someone helps me with this project, they're not going to think I did it or they're not going to think I could do it. So I do feel defensive. So it's like, I got it. It's okay. I got it. I call it. I got it. Central John. I got it. No, no, no. I got it right. This our first response. No, don't don't ask me. I got it. I got it. The other is that you might be defiant. So I might be like, well, I'm Elayne Fluker and I'm on the entrepreneur on fire podcast with John Lee Dumas. So how dare you ask me if I need support? I got it all going on. Nobody tell me nothing. I have been trying to get on John's podcast for five years. As I first subscribed everyone.
1 (8m 55s):
This was one of the first podcast I subscribe to. So I might be smelling my own stuff and be feeling right. So that might be another one. The last one I will say is probably most of the women listening. You might feel defeated. So say you're the strong one in your family or the go-to person, the person that always gets it. Right. So it's like, okay, I got it. I guess I got it. So those are usually the three reasons you feel defensive or defiant or defeated
0 (9m 20s):
The jump on the word defensive, because I've met so many people, they literally, Elayne will like ask me for advice. They'll be like, John, like you're successful in X, Y, or Z, or you're, you know, unsuccessful in these areas. So help me, you know, you know, not be unsuccessful, those areas like what'd you learn with those mistakes? Like either one. And then I tell them something, when my lessons that I've learned and they just get like defensive, all of a sudden they kind of turn, they're just kind of like, Oh, well, no, like that would never work for me because of this. Or like some kind of defensive mechanism, like Springs up in front of them. And I'm just like, like, where's this coming from? Like, they're actually, they seem like they're coming to me for help or advice. But then when I'm trying to help them and give them advice, they're throwing this wall up. And that just seems to happen. Fire Nation.
0 (9m 60s):
Just make sure that you're aware that this isn't you going forward because there's so many people you can learn from. I mean, I'm standing upon the shoulders of giants who I've learned from this come before me the same with lane. And now with the success that Elayne's had, I mean, people are standing upon her shoulders and going forth. You know what I mean? Her fantastic book we talked about in the intro, which we'll get to in a minute here as well, all these things. So key to learn, learn, learn, learn. We have that opportunity. Now we're gonna be talking about how to ask for help. Now that's an acronym. So get ready for that. And a few other amazing, amazing things. When we get back from thanking our sponsors, as the COVID-19 pandemic has changed how we do business and how we make money, entrepreneurs are moving to online courses more than ever.
0 (10m 43s):
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0 (11m 28s):
Monetize your skills today at Thinkific.com/EOF that's THINKIFIC.com/EOF. Sometimes what prevents us from reaching our biggest business goals are things like stress, anxiety, relationships, trauma, family conflicts, even our own self-esteem. And none of these should get in the way of your dreams. That's why there's BetterHelp. BetterHelp is not a crisis line. And it's not self-help is counseling done securely online. Here's how it works. BetterHelp we'll assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapists. You'll connect in a safe and private online environments, making it both confidential and convenience. And you can start communicating in under 48 hours.
0 (12m 8s):
Plus BetterHelp is more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. BetterHelp is also available for clients worldwide. So you can find the particular expertise you need without having to limit yourself to counselors located near you. I want you to start living a happier life today. And as a listener, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHelp.com/fire. Join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's BetterHelp. BETTERHELP.com/fire. Elayne we're back. I want to start off by talking about why support is not only key to your business, but the secret to your peace of mind.
1 (12m 48s):
Yeah. You know, on a serious note, when I was doing some research for my book, I found that not only is support, you know, a key to success in business success in your career, success just in your everyday life. It's also very important for your health. So you think about how stressed out you might feel, or having a lack of fulfillment in something you're doing, because you don't want to get support or you're doing it yourself, or even the sense of isolation, which I know a lot of people have experienced, not through any fault of their own, because we are going through a pandemic at the time that we're recording this. And the numbers show that most women are committing more women I should say are committing suicide today. In fact, that quote, the suicide rates for women ages 45 to 64 Rose 63% since 1999, according to the CDC.
1 (13m 34s):
So making women in the age group of 45 to 64, the second highest group of women committing suicide and the first group, the largest group, John is girls ages 10 to 14. And a lot of times it's because you feel alone, you feel isolated, you feel all these, all these valid feelings, but feelings, nonetheless, it could be dangerous if you don't get support. So as John has talked about, of course, support looks like a mastermind, mentors, other people, friends, your fiancee family, but it could also look like support you pay for whether that's a coach. I have a business coach I pay for, I talk to her every, I have other coaches, right? That I pay for or therapy, whatever that help looks like. So I want people to know everyone, not even just women, everyone listening to know that whatever that support needs to look like for you in the healthiest way, we want you to go for it.
1 (14m 23s):
And there's a lot of options. When I say therapy or professional help, a lot of options now, even online that are a lot less expensive than maybe going into an office, but you still get the support that you need.
0 (14m 33s):
Oh, I will tell you my mentor, Jamie masters, when I launched was everything for my success on my podcast, she was a successful business podcast. Host. I want it to be a successful business podcast, host. She was the right mentor for me for that lane. And then of course, there's other lanes like Elayne's talking about where you definitely need to define what need right now, who is that person to serve you best? Now let's talk about help. It looks like it's an acronym, Elayne. So expand upon that.
1 (15m 0s):
Everyone. When I talk about asking for support, most people might say, I don't know how, how should I ask? Well, I don't know how to make the approach or I don't even think about it. Right? We're so quick again to say I got it. It's okay. I got it. So I say, just think of the word help. It is an acronym, John HELP. So let's say the H is for, as we talked about earlier, having it all doesn't mean doing it all alone, right? You do not have to do this by yourself. So stop choosing that, make a choice to get all the connections or any of the connections that we've already talked about. But no, and remember having it all doesn't mean doing it all alone. The E John is for making an empowered ask. So when I talk about this, I'm not saying, you're asking like, Oh my gosh, asking yourself questions.
1 (15m 40s):
Like, Oh my gosh, I'm so miserable. Why can't I do this? Why haven't I done this yet? Why am I not as popular as John? Why am I not doing this? Like, Elayne, why am I not doing all these things? Those are not empowered questions. You have to make the empowered as, okay. I want to launch a podcast who is someone that is doing it. Like I'd like to do it. Is that someone I can reach out to out to, how can I get in touch with that person? That's more of an empowered ask. The L is to let go of that. How, and then live the question. So live, the question is something that I received, Oh gosh, years ago when I first started, my podcast support is sexy in 2016, inspired by you, John, where I interview a women entrepreneurs. And I interviewed this woman, Patricia Moreno on episode, I want to say 26 and we don't have favorites, but it's one that I got.
0 (16m 28s):
They're all my babies, all
1 (16m 31s):
Babies. Right. But out of 700 and something, she's when I go back to this idea of, you know, as, as women, especially, we want to know all the answers, right? What's the answer. Just tell me, I'm like that. Tell me what to do and I can just do it. I don't want to figure it out. Just tell me what to do. You have to get comfortable and courageous. I would say with living the question, the question might be okay, what's the best way for me to grow my business right now. What's the best way for me to move into this new position at my company. I want to have children. What's the way for me to explore, having a family. What might that look like? And it's not that you're asking that to write down the answer. As soon as you ask it, you have to be courageous enough to live the question. And again, the other part of the L is let go of the, how you never know how that's going to happen.
1 (17m 11s):
I didn't know how I was going to end up on entrepreneurs on fire, but here I am right here we are. So then the P is believe in the possibilities after you do all that other work, you can't go like that's never going to happen to me or John. Like you said, people being like, Oh, that would never work for me. I think that's resistance. As Steven Pressfield says in the war of art, that's just resistance showing up, telling you that you can do it, but you have to believe in the possibilities.
0 (17m 36s):
First off, 700 plus episodes. I mean, Elayne damn man, you are on fire girl. I love it. Oh, you are succeeding in Fire Nation asking for support. It's not just about you expound upon this, Elayne.
1 (17m 54s):
Yeah. In her book of return to love reflections on the principles of a course in miracles, Marianne Wilson, excuse me, Marianne Williamson. Someone who I love says, quote, you are a child of God, your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. So that is something that I take to heart. Anytime I want to shrink in or curl in and play small, it does not serve the world. In fact, I think it's being selfish. Really. If you feel small again, there might be reasons that you feel that way. How can you get support? So you can, I'm literally spreading my arms here, John. So you can spread and take up space and stand in your power, right?
1 (18m 35s):
So your playing small does not serve the world. And in fact, it's selfish. It is your responsibility. I would say I would go so far as to say it is your responsibility to step into whatever it is you feel you are called to do. And this doesn't mean you have to do some grand thing like an Elon Musk, or maybe it does you, whatever it is for you, but just even the way you move in your family, the way you move in your life with your friends, all of these things are you are called to be as great as you can in those moments and getting support is the way that you get there. You do not have to do it alone.
Fire Nation. I hope you're spreading your arms wide as well.
0 (19m 10s):
Like a lane to just embrace all of this awesome misses. She is giving to us that she is throwing our way and Elayne, we've shared so, so much value today. The value bombs have been coming hard and strong share with us at the end here. One thing you really want to make sure Fire Nation gets from everything that we've talked about. Give us a little insight into your amazing book. And then we'll say goodbye.
1 (19m 36s):
Well that my book is the tap on the shoulder that you need at this point in your life. I really want women and especially men, women, and the men who love them. Let's say it like that. Whether that's your mother, sister, partner, et cetera, to know the importance, as I said of getting support, because not only is it helpful for your career, but it's also helpful for your peace of mind. And I want to leave you with you deserve it. That's why I want you to reach out for it because you deserve it.
0 (20m 4s):
How can Fire Nation connect with what you have going on, learn more about you, and then we'll say goodbye.
1 (20m 9s):
The best way is to go to GetOverIGotIt.com. You can find out about me. You can find out about the book. I have some giveaways there too, related to the books, study guides, all kinds of things there. And I just want to say, John, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here. And I just appreciate you. And your example, as an entrepreneur and as a podcaster and as a person, thank you. I love it.
0 (20m 32s):
You're adding to this world, Elayne. Thank you for that as well. And Fire Nation, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And you've been hanging out with EF and JLD today. So let's keep up that heat head over to EOFire, and just type in Elayne, ELAYNE in the search bar. Her show notes page will pop up with literally everything we were talking about today. Best show notes in the biz in Elayne. Thank you for sharing your truth, your knowledge, your value with Fire Nation today, for that, we salute you and we'll catch you on the flip side. Hey, Fire Nation today's value bomb content was brought to you by Elayne and Fire Nation. I've created a treasure trove of free courses for you.
0 (21m 13s):
I teach you how to podcast run a mastermind, create funnels that convert and so much more. All you need to do is visit EOFire.com/resources to start learning for free today. I'll catch you there, or I'll catch you on the flip side. Online training is skyrocketing across every industry and thousands of entrepreneurs just like us are using Thinkific to create market and sell online courses, launch your own online course and share your knowledge with the world today. Get started at Thinkific.com/EOF that's THINKIFIC.com/EOF Fire Nation. Since 2012, I've interviewed over 3000 of the world's most successful entrepreneurs.
0 (21m 53s):
I identified the 17 core foundational principles. They all share and created a revolutionary 17 step roadmap. I then spent 480 hours turning this roadmap into a book, The Common Path to Uncommon Success, visit UncommonSuccessBook.com to learn more about this book and start your journey to financial freedom and fulfillment today.
1) The Common Path to Uncommon Success: JLD’s 1st traditionally published book! Over 3000 interviews with the world’s most successful Entrepreneurs compiled into a 17-step roadmap to financial freedom and fulfillment!
2) Free Podcast Course: Learn from JLD how to create and launch your podcast!
3) Podcasters’ Paradise: The #1 podcasting community in the world!