Jennifer Lee is the screenwriter and director of ‘FROZEN’. This is her commencement address from May 2014 at University of New Hampshire.
Subscribe
Guest Sponsors
Thrivetime Show: Looking for a business coach who has helped thousands of entrepreneurs just like you to increase their profitability by an average of 104% per year? Schedule your free consultation today with Clay Clark at ThrivetimeShow.com/fire!
Idea to Store Contest: It’s time to turn your ecommerce idea into a reality with the Idea To Store contest! For details visit www.ideato.store today!
Speech Transcript
Thank you President Huddleston, distinguished guests, honored faculty, and parents…but especially thank you to the University of New Hampshire’s graduating class of 2014. It’s so fabulous to be back. I’ve already partied at the Field House, at Murkland, at the Alumni Center and the Presidents place…just like old times. I first came to this campus when I was just 14 and my older cousin Mark was starting as a freshman. I sat on a bench in front of Thompson Hall and I thought – this is what college is supposed to feel like. Mark paved the way for my older sister to come here, then me, then my younger cousin Alex…who met his wife here. So my family has deep roots here and deeper debt.
And it really does feel like I was just here yesterday…. So much so, that when I was asked to be the commencement speaker, my first reaction was, I am way too young. And then my sister so kindly pointed out that I was 42, which I then realized made me pretty much exactly twice your age…which I then realized pretty much sucked.
But then I moved onto a worse thought, which was: I’m not good enough to be the commencement speaker…” and ultimately it was that horrible thought that made me say yes.
It did, because in that thought I realized there might be something during my few extra rounds on this planet that I had learned that might be of use to you. And it has to do with self-doubt, that “I’m- -not-good-enough” motto of living, something I’m a bit of an expert on.
My sister and I grew up on a poor street in a rich town. It was bad enough that everyone in America was wearing Seventies clothes, but we were in hand-me-down Seventies clothes. And to make it worse, I had the energy of the Tasmanian devil and the grace of a pile of pick-up sticks. My hair was perpetually full of knots. Stains on the clothes. Goodness, I was the perfect target for bullies.
And I was bullied. Every day. For years. And something happens to you, when everything you do is fuel for ridicule and mockery. Eventually, you drink the bully koolaid and self-doubt takes.
People talk about the dangers of rose-colored glasses, but let me tell you, the lenses of self-doubt are far worse. They are nasty. Thick and filthy… they’re covered in swamp scum and mold — there’s like a family of snails living on them. And they’re nearly impossible to see past.
Were it not for my family loving me, brushing out my tangled hair, fostering my love of books and drawing and creating, I’m not sure what I would have done. They helped me find my relief in story telling. Reading, writing, drawing, were moments of escape from myself. Lying in bed at night, I’d concoct magical, grand, epic and yes sometimes musical adventures, stories of wrongs righted, justices served, bullies revenged. I guess it should have been a sign, but I was wearying those darned lenses of self-doubt and I and couldn’t see it.
And then something happened. I noticed I wasn’t alone in this feeling of not being good enough. It started right after I made my first friend again. I need to take a second to acknowledge her. She’s here and she was the first person to step between the bullies and me. Her name is Jen and she’s been my friend for 30 years now. So with her, as the two over. Jens, we entered that horrible self-doubt festering incubator called high school. You know what I mean; it’s like all warm and full of puberty and hair…and it smells, and while you’re just trying to get used to your grown-up face and body, your GPA is pulsing in the center like the eye of Sauron.
And before you know it, the lenses of self-doubt are so thick you need like a big ole’ strap to hold them up. I remember looking around at my fellow classmates and wondering if anyone thought they were good enough.
And then I met him. Here a UNH, in fact, a student, who for whatever magical reason never doubted himself. He was magnetic, but kind, infectious and motivating. His name was Jason MacConkey and he could sell you a car while convincing you to write him a love song. Our time together at UNH was some of the best years of my life: Yes, I lived at Stoke Hall, but creatively I had Ham-Smith, Gay Nardone’s dance company, my KD gang, and wonderful class called foods and dudes. Of course back then things were a bit different here at UNH. Kegs were still legal on campus, grunge was the fashion, bathing was undervalued…The many houses of the greek system were at their most powerful and at war with the bureaucrats…there were wildcats, endless snow, debauchery; it was like Game of Thrones, I’m telling you. Such good times. Really.
But I will say that, during those years, while I could admire Jason’s comfortable acceptance of himself, his motivating spirit, I was not quite ready to let go of doubt for myself. But in April of our junior year Jason was killed in a boating accident. And life knocked those lenses of doubt off my face so hard I went right down with them.
When you wake up so young with such loss, there is no doubt, only grief. And in that grief you see clearly. The world drips with color. Death exaggerates the significance of life. And you suddenly know better than to waste a second doubting. I loved New York City and books and storytelling. And so I graduated and moved to New York, found Book publishing, which led to book writing, then to screenplay writing. And over a course of decade I settled back into life, but I also unknowingly slipped back on those lenses of doubt. I remember looking at Columbia film school website afraid to apply. Because I wanted to go so badly; but feared I wasn’t good enough. The only reason I sent in that application because of Jason. He was a reminder that if there was a chance to live the life I wanted, I owed it to him to go for it. And I got in. For two decadent years and only $60,000+, I was going to make movies.
A timeout to thank our sponsors, Thrivetime Show and Idea to Store Contest!
In film school, the first thing you study is character. And you learn that insecure characters, characters that don’t think much of themselves, are not very interesting, they aren’t inspirational, or hopeful and no one wants to watch them. Ouch. But the only characters worse than insecure characters are perfect characters. They are lifeless, boring, generic, they never feel authentic. The best characters, the ones we love, who inspire us, who we want to remember forever, are flawed, and one-of-a-kind. The only characters not good enough are ones who aren’t complex, or messy, or vulnerable, the ones who aren’t real.
While in film school, I met a man named Phil Johnston. He was in my opinion the most talented person in the program. An Emmy-award-winning journalist, with the most gloriously twisted sense of humor. You might know him from a film he wrote called Cedar Rapids or as my co-writer on Wreck-it Ralph. Anyway, back in grad school, he thought I was good enough to work with. Again and again he thought that. I would always act so surprised that someone so good would want to work with me.
And one day he made me promise to do something that would change my life forever. He said: “you can be as insecure as you want in your life, but just promise me you’ll leave that insecurity out of your work. Just know, you’re good enough.” And I did.
Six months later, I had two film options and I got my first paycheck as a screenwriter. One year later, Phil I were writing Wreck-it Ralph together. And then…and then came…FROZEN.
So while I stand here before you, a person so far from perfect that there isn’t even a subway line to perfect anywhere near me. Gypsy cabs won’t even go near my neighborhood of imperfection, I’m THAT not perfect… maybe… I am enough.
And if I’ve learned one thing, it’s that self-doubt is one of the most destructive forces. It makes you defensive instead of open, reactive instead of active. Self-doubt is consuming and cruel and my hope is today that we can all collectively agree to ban it.
Think about it: how many hours do you spend analyzing yourself? Your looks, you’re hair, too thin, too straight, too curly; how much time do you spend being disgusted by yourself, cringing over the dumb thing you said, worrying you won’t get a date because while you’re hilarious in your head but you speak it sounds like you’re explaining tax code. Think about all the crazy ways you feel different from everyone else…and now take the judgment out of it…what you’re left with is such a holy dynamic, original character, the kind that could lead an epic story.
And now think to the moments in your life when you forgot to doubt yourself. When you were so inspired that you were just living and creating, and working. Pay attention to those moments, they’re trying to Reach you through those lenses of doubt and trying to show you your potential.
One side note: being good enough doesn’t let you off the hook to be lazy. It’s not an excuse to spend your twenties on your parents’ couch admiring your enough-ness.
It’s not like a free pass to get out of changing and growing and maturing. No, it’s just that when you are free from self-doubt, you fail better, because you don’t have your defenses up, you can accept the criticism. You don’t become so preoccupied with that failure that you forget how to learn from it, you forget how to grow. When you believe in yourself, you succeed better. Hours spent questioning, doubting, fearing, can be given over to working , exploring, living .
You will still fail a lot. In fact, people to your face will say, “that is not good enough .” But just don’t make it about yourself. If you can learn to not take it personally, you will be able to listen to the constructive criticism and find it inspiring.
And it might motivate you and show you that you are capable of far more than you ever imagined. I will say if we made the first draft of FROZEN, if I’d been too insecure and defensive to listen to the criticism and notes, if I wasted my time trying to prove I was good enough instead of using that time to make FROZEN what it needed to be, it would have been a far different movie and I guarantee you, I would be standing here. Thing is when you accept that who you are is enough; you become the biggest participant in making your work and even your relationships better.
And get this, they say that the number one thing driving bullies is insecurity, so we ban self-doubt and we kill two birds with one stone right here.
So what do you say? Can we go ahead and ban self – doubt right now?
Okay, so now that self-doubt is out of the way, think about it; what would you dare to do?
I won’t go too English Lit on you, but there’s this line in Raise “ High the Roof Beam Carpenters ” by J. D. Salinger , when Seymour says to his brother, Buddy, an inspiring writer, that the first question he’ll be asked when he dies is, “Did you have your stars out?” I love that idea. That you have stars in you, bright vibrant stars that could shine if you worked hard enough to get them out.
But while, you might have those stars, you won’t see them if you’re wearing the big-ole nasty lenses of doubt. Take them off and see how bright the sky is.
So if I can leave you with one thing today and I’m going to ask your parents to please remind you if you ever forget, please know that from here on out, you are enough, dare I say , more than enough. Thank you and congratulations!
Transcript
0 (3s):
Shake the roof, Fire Nation. JLD here and welcome to Entrepreneurs On Fire brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network with great shows like the MarTech podcast today, we'll be sharing a special episode. That is part of a series that we've created of the greatest graduation speeches of all time. There have been some fantastic commencement talks over the past few decades, and we've collected the best of the best for you to enjoy. As soon as we get back from thinking, our sponsors have an idea for an online store, but stuck because you don't have the courage or resources to take action that stops today. It's time to turn your e-commerce idea into reality with the idea to store contests, for details, visit www.ideato.store today.
0 (48s):
That's www.ideato.store. Are you looking for a proven business coach who has helped thousands of entrepreneurs, just like you to increase their profitability by an average of 104% per year, all for less money than it would cost to hire a full-time minimum wage employee schedule your free consultation today with Clay Clark, a former small business administration entrepreneur of the year at ThrivetimeShow.com/fire. Welcome. And today's graduation speech is from Jennifer Lee, who is the screenwriter and director of 'FROZEN'. And this was for the university of New Hampshire back in may of 2014.
0 (1m 30s):
Thank you, President Huddleston, distinguished guests, honor faculty and parents, but especially thank you to the University of New Hampshire graduating class of 2014. It's so fabulous to be back. I've already partied at the field house at Mercklands at the alumni center and at the president's place, just like old times. I first came to this campus when I was just 14 and my older cousin mark was starting as a freshman. I sat on a bench in front of Thompson hall and I thought, this is what college is supposed to feel like. Mark paved the way for my older sister to come here. Then me, then my younger cousin, Alex, who met his wife here. So my family has deep roots here in deeper debts.
0 (2m 12s):
And it really does feel like I was here just yesterday so much so that when I was asked to be the commencement speaker, my first reaction was I am way too young. And then my sister kindly pointed out that I was 42, which I then realized, made me pretty much exactly twice her age, which I then realized pretty much sucks. But then I moved on to a worst thought, which was, I'm not good enough to be the commencement speaker. And ultimately it was that horrible thought that made me say yes I did. Because in that thought I realized there might be something during my few extra rounds on this planet that I learned, and it might be of use to you. And it has to do with self doubt that I'm not good enough model of living something. I'm a bit of an expert on my sister.
0 (2m 53s):
And I grew up on a poor street in a rich town. It was bad enough that everyone in America was wearing seventies clothes, but we're in hammy down seventies clothes. And to make it worse, I had the energy of the Tasmanian devil and the grace of a pile of pickup sticks. My hair was perpetually full of knots stains on my clothes. Goodness, I was the perfect target for bullies and I was bullied every day for years. And something happens to you when everything you do is fuel for ridicule and mockery. Eventually you drink the bully Kool-Aid and self doubt takes over people. Talk about the dangers of rose colored glasses. But let me tell you, the lenses of self doubt are far worse.
0 (3m 35s):
They are nasty, thick, and filthy. They're covered in swamp scum and mold. There's like a family of snails living on them. And they're nearly impossible to see past or not from my family, loving me brushing out my tangled hair, fostering my love of books and drawing and creating. I'm not sure what I would've done. They helped me find relief in storytelling, reading, writing, drawing, or moments of escape from myself, lying in bed at night. I'd concoct magical grand epic and yes, sometimes in musical adventures, stories of wrongs, righted justices served bullies revenged I guess it should have been assigned, but I was wearing those darn lenses of self doubt and I couldn't see it.
0 (4m 17s):
And then something happens. I noticed I wasn't alone in this feeling of not being good enough. It started right after I made my first friend again, I needed to take a second to acknowledge her she's here. And she was the first person to step between the bullies and me, her name is Jen, and she's been my friend. Now for 30 years, we entered that horrible self-doubt foster and incubator called high school together. You know what I mean? It's like all warm and full of puberty and hair and it smells. And while you're just trying to get used to your grownup face and body, your GPA is pulsing in the center, like the eye of Sauron. And before you know it, the lenses of self-doubt are so thick. You need a big old strap to hold them up.
0 (4m 58s):
I remember looking at my fellow classmates and wondering if anyone thought they were good enough. And then I met him here at UNH. In fact, a student who for whatever magical reason, never doubted himself, he was magnetic, but kind infectious and motivating. His name was Jason McConkey. And he could sell you a car while convincing you to write him a love song. Our time together at UNH was some of the best years of my life. Yes, I lived at stoke hall, but creatively. I had ham Smith, gay Dawn's dance company, my Katy gang and wonderful class of foods and dudes, of course back then, things were a bit different here at UNH. Kegs were still illegal on campus. Grunge was a fashion.
0 (5m 38s):
Bathing was undervalued. The many houses of the Greek system were at their most powerful and a war with the bureaucrats. And there were Wildcats endless no debauchery. It was like game of Thrones. I'm telling you such good times really, but I will say that during those years, while I could admire Jason's comfortable acceptance of himself, his motivating spirits, I was not quite ready to let go of doubt myself. But in April of our junior year, Jason was killed in a boating accident in life. Knocked those lenses of doubt off my face. So hard. I went right down with them. When you wake up so young with such loss, there is no doubt only grief. And in that grief, you see clearly the world drips with color, death exaggerates the significance of life, and you suddenly know better than to waste a second doubting.
0 (6m 28s):
I loved New York city and books and storytelling. And so I graduated and I moved to New York found book publishing, which led me to book writing then to screenplay writing. And over the course of a decade, I settled back into life. But I also unknowingly slip back into those lenses of doubt. I remember looking at Columbia's film school website, afraid to apply because I wanted to go so badly, but feared. I wasn't good enough. The only reason I sent in that application was because of Jason. He was a reminder that there's a chance to live the life I wanted. I owed it to him to go for it. And I got in for two decadent years and only $60,000. I was going to make movies, fire nation, more fire coming at you.
0 (7m 10s):
As soon as we get back from thanking our sponsors,
1 (7m 13s):
Looking for a business coach who has helped thousands of entrepreneurs, just like you to increase our profitability by an average of 104% per year, all for less money than would cost to hire a full-time minimum wage employee, Fire Nation meet Clay Clark. Clay has been coaching businesses just like yours since 2006. Yup. Even through the great recession and he does it for less money than it would cost to hire a full-time minimum wage employee at a time when Inc magazine reports that by default 96% of businesses will fail. Within 10 years, Clay is helping businesses like yours to grow on average by 104% annually. How's this even possible clay only takes on 160 clients. So he personally designs your business plans. Plus Clay's team helps you execute that plan with access to graphic designers, Google certified search engine, optimizers, web developers, online ad managers, videographers workflow, mappers and accounting coaches visit thrive time show.com/fire, to see thousands of video testimonials from real people, just like you, who Clay has helped over the years.
1 (8m 10s):
That's right. Do your research and view thousands, not hundreds of proven, documented and archived video testimonials from real people, just like you at ThrivetimeShow.com/fire. Then schedule your free consultation with clay himself to see how he and his team can help you thrive. Do you have an idea for an online store, but are stuck because you don't have the courage or resources to take action while that stops today, it's time to turn your e-commerce idea into reality. With the idea to store contest, the contest is organized by.store domains. The domain extension for business owners, stores and anyone who is selling something online more than 450,000 sellers currently trust.store domains for their online store.
1 (8m 54s):
The ideato store contests is
0 (8m 56s):
Live right now, and we want you to have a chance to win up to $30,000 in cash prizes to help start your own online store. In addition to the cash prizes up for grabs, you can also win a chance to be mentored by me. JLD on your journey to finally launching your online store idea for details on how to sign up, submitting your online store idea via Instagram and more visit www.ideato.store today that's www.ideato.store in film school. The first thing you study is character and you learn that insecure characters, characters that don't think much of themselves are not very interesting.
0 (9m 38s):
They aren't inspirational or hopeful and no one wants to watch them ouch, but the only characters worse than insecure characters are the perfect characters. They're lifeless, boring, generic, and they never feel authentic. The best characters, the ones we love, who inspire us, who we want to remember forever and ever are flawed. And one of a kinds, the only character is not good enough are ones who aren't complex or messy or vulnerable. The ones who aren't real. While in film school, I met a man named Phil Johnston. He was in my opinion, the most talented person in the program, an Emmy award winning journalists with the most gloriously twisted sense of humor. You might know him from a film.
0 (10m 18s):
He wrote called Cedar Rapids, or as my co-writer on Wreck-It Ralph, any way back in grad school, he thought I was good enough to work with again and again, he thought that I would always act so surprised at someone's so good, but to want to work with me. And one day he made me a promise to do something that would change my life forever. He said, you can be as insecure as you want in your life, but just promise me, you'll leave that insecurity out of your work. Just know you're good enough. And I did six months later, I had two film options and I got my first paycheck as a screenwriter. One year later, Phil and I were writing Wreck-It Ralph together. And then, and then came frozen. So while I stand here before you a person so far from perfect that there isn't even a subway line to perfect anywhere near me, gypsy calves won't even go near my neighborhood of imperfection.
0 (11m 7s):
I'm that? Not perfect. Maybe I'm enough. And if I learn one thing, it's that self doubt is one of the most destructive forces and makes you defensive instead of open reactive, instead of active self doubt is consuming and cruel. And my hope is today, we can all collectively agree to ban it. Think about it. How many hours do you spend analyzing yourself? Your looks your hair too thin, too straight to curly. How much time do you spend being disgusted by yourself? Cringing over the dumb thing you said worrying. You won't get a date because while you're hilarious in your head, but when you speak, it sounds like you're explaining the tax code. Think about all the crazy ways you feel different from everyone else. And now take the judgment out of it.
0 (11m 47s):
And what you're left with is such a holy dynamic, original character, the kind that could lead to an epic story, and now think to the moments in your life when you forgot, doubt yourself, when you are so inspired that you were just living and creating and working pay attention to those moments, they're trying to reach you through those lenses of doubt and trying to show you your potential. One side note being good enough. It doesn't let you off the hook to be lazy. It's not an excuse to spend your twenties on your parents' couch, admiring your enoughness. It's not like a free pass to get out of changing and growing and maturing. No, it's just that when you are free from self doubt, you fail better because you don't have your defenses up. You can accept the criticism.
0 (12m 28s):
You don't become so preoccupied with that failure that you forget how to learn from us. You forget how to grow. When you believe in yourself, you succeed better. Our spent questioning doubting fearing can be given over to working, exploring, and living. You will still fail a lot. In fact, people to your face will say that is not good enough, but just don't make it about yourself. If you can learn not to take a personally, you will be able to listen to constructive criticism and find it inspiring. And it might motivate you to show you that you are capable of far more than you ever imagined. I will say if we made the first draft of frozen, if I had been too insecure and defensive to listen to the criticism and notes, if I wasted my time trying to prove that I was good enough, instead of using that time to make frozen what it needed to be, it would have been a far different movie.
0 (13m 13s):
And I guarantee you, I would be standing here. This is when you accept that, who you are is enough. You become the biggest participant in making your work and even your relationships better and get this. They say the number one thing, this driving bullies is insecurity. So we ban self doubt and we kill two birds with one stone right here. So what do you say? Can we go ahead and ban self doubt right now? Okay. So now that self-doubt is out of the way, think about it. What would you dare to do? I won't go to English lit on you, but there's this line and raise high. The roof beam Carpenters by JD Salinger. When Seymour says to his brother, buddy and inspiring writer, that the first question he'll be asked when he dies is did you have your stars out?
0 (13m 57s):
I love that idea that you have stars in you, bright, vibrant stars that could shine. If you worked hard enough to get them out, but while you might have those stars, you won't see them. If you're wearing the big old nasty lenses of doubt, take them off and see how bright the sky is. So if I can leave you with one thing today, and I'm going to ask your parents to please remind you, if you ever forget, please know that from here on out, you are enough. I dare say more than enough. Thank you. And congratulations, fire nation. Do you have an online store idea? Check out the idea to store contests by.store domains. They're giving away cash prizes up to $30,000 for sharing your online store ideas.
0 (14m 40s):
Learn more at www.ideato.store. That's www.ideato.store. And I'll catch
1 (14m 52s):
You there or I'll catch you on the flip side. Are you looking for a proven business coach who has helped thousands of entrepreneurs, just like you to increase their profitability by an average of 104% per year, all for less money than it would cost to hire a full-time minimum wage employee schedule your free consultation today with Clay Clark, a former small business administration entrepreneur of the year at ThrivetimeShow.com/fire. Have an idea for an online store, but stuck because you don't have the courage or resources to take action that stops today. It's time to turn your e-commerce idea into reality with the ideato store contests, for details, visit www.ideato.store today.
1 (15m 33s):
That's www.ideato.store.
Killer Resources!
1) The Common Path to Uncommon Success: JLD’s 1st traditionally published book! Over 3000 interviews with the world’s most successful Entrepreneurs compiled into a 17-step roadmap to financial freedom and fulfillment!
2) Free Podcast Course: Learn from JLD how to create and launch your podcast!
3) Podcasters’ Paradise: The #1 podcasting community in the world!