Ed Mylett is one of the top business leaders and peak performance experts in the world today. He’s been named one of the Top 50 wealthiest under 50, and is the youngest person ever named to the President’s National Leadership Advisory Board.
Ed’s Instagram – Connect and interact with Ed on Instagram!
3 Value Bombs
1) Great entrepreneurs have a measure of emotional control that helps them make decisions to move their business forward.
2) Self-confidence is intentional. It is the process of keeping the promises that you make to yourself, and intentionally noticing and acknowledging it.
3) You were born to do something great with your life. If you have a big dream, and you want to make something great with your life, chase that dream, and remember that you were born to do it.
ZipRecruiter: By connecting people who need jobs and companies that need people, ZipRecruiter is working with all of us so we can keep moving forward. Let’s work together. ZipRecruiter.com/worktogether
Traffic Secrets Podcast: The strategies to attract your dream customers when you’re just starting out are exactly the same as when you own a multi-million dollar business. And these strategies are waiting for you on a new podcast mini- series: Traffic Secrets. TrafficSecretsPodcast.com
**Click the time stamp to jump directly to that point in the episode.
Today’s Audio MASTERCLASS: How to Max Out Your Life with Ed Mylett
[1:23] – Ed shares something interesting about himself that most people do not know.
- He met the love of his life in kindergarten.
[2:51] – Ed talks about maxing out his business.
- He learned that not everything you think is true.
- It serves him to question his emotions from time to time
- Great entrepreneurs have a measure of emotional control that helps them make decisions to move their business forward.
- Most successful entrepreneurs started a business during difficult economic times (either personally or state, country, world-wide).
- Bill Gates started Microsoft in 1975.
- Steve Jobs started Apple in 1976.
- Mark Zuckerberg started Facebook in 2004.
- Netflix started in 1997.
- Most successful entrepreneurs started a business during difficult economic times (either personally or state, country, world-wide).
[8:51]- Ed talks about maxing out his fitness.
- In life, you get your standards and reasons.
- He knows his standards, and he has reasons. He is fit because of his standards, and his reason for being fit is his daughter.
- Link your reasons for what you need to get done to what you do not want to do.
[13:07] – Ed talks about maxing out his relationship.
- Even though they look different, he is still attracted to his wife
- He gets great strength and confidence from his wife who believes in him.
[20:38] – Ed talks about maxing out your self-confidence.
- A huge part of your existence is that you get what you believe what you deserve.
- Self-confidence is intentional. It is the process of keeping the promises that you make to yourself, and intentionally noticing and acknowledging that.
[23:44] – Ed talks about maxing out your core happiness.
- You can truly be happy with simple things.
- 6 Human Needs:
- Need for certainty
- Need for uncertainty
- Need for significance
- Need for love and connection
- Need for growth
- Need for contribution
- One or two needs are more dominant in your life. Act in accordance to fulfilling those needs.
[30:06] – JLD shares his experience of uncertainty.
- Looking back on his experience, he appreciates the relationships, friendships, and the situations he has experienced.
[33:35] –Ed’s parting piece of guidance.
- You were born to do something great with your life. If you have a big dream, and you want to make something great with your life, chase that dream, and remember that you were born to do it.
- Ed’s Instagram – Connect and interact with Ed on Instagram!
JLD: Boom, shake the room, Fire Nation. JLD here with an audio master class on how to max out your life. And, if you didn’t figure it out from max out, you need to know that I’ve brought Ed Mylett on Entrepreneurs on Fire. Ed Mylett is one of the top business leaders and peak performance experts in the world today. He’s been named one of the top 50 Wealthiest Under 50 and is the youngest person ever named to the President’s National Leadership Advisory Board. And, Fire Nation, if you haven’t heard this guy speak on his podcast, YouTube, or from stage where he’s absolutely on fire, make it a priority.
Obviously, you’re gonna get to hear his voice as we talk about maxing out your life in business, fitness, relationships, self-confidence, and happiness and so much more when we get back from thanking our sponsors. Ed, say what’s up to Fire Nation and share something interesting about yourself that most people don’t know.
Ed: What’s up, Fire Nation? What people don’t know about. I met my wife in kindergarten. And so, I’ve known her since I was 5 and she was 4 in the beginning of kindergarten. The best part about that story is when I tell people that can see us both in person, they often wonder or not if I was the teacher because I look so much older than her. We were actually both students, so.
JLD: Oh, man. Well, Fire Nation, I know literally almost all of you know Ed Mylett and follow his amazing content. And, he’s all about maxing out his life. And, now I just found out that he has maxed out the amount of time that he knew the love of his life, which is pretty awesome, pretty amazing. I didn’t get to meet my Kate until I was 29 years old, so 24 years you have on me there, Ed. What’s the deal there?
Ed: Well, I closed her early, so. I’m serious. She didn’t have any other options, man. She’s been stuck with me for a long time. We had a little break up or two there after high school, which was probably valuable, but I definitely persuaded her when she was young. So, thank God.
JLD: I love that. Well, Fire Nation, as I shared during the introduction, we’re gonna be talking all about how you can max out your life. And, we’ll start with business because, Ed, we talked about Fire Nation a little bit in the pre-interview chat and a lot of the people that are listening right now are looking for ways, especially during these times, to max out their business. So, what does that look like?
Ed: There’s are some elements that matter, especially during this time too. I used to think everything I thought was true. So, one of the things that caused me to struggle when I was an early entrepreneur and even prior when I was a sort of wannabe entrepreneur, meaning I had a job, but I kind of wanted to start something, is, I believed everything I thought.
Ed: And, as I’ve gotten older I don’t do that anymore. Not everything you think is true and the more you begin to even question your own thoughts, because we act on those thoughts. Thoughts create emotions, right. The quality of our life, the caliber of our life, is the emotions we experience and those emotions come from the thoughts we have. And so, the first thing I think you’ve got to look at, people say, “Oh, you know, control your thinking.” Well, why? Well, because they create these emotions. And so, even for me during these times, you know, what’s gonna happen to my income? What’s gonna happen to my future? What’s the right road to take now? But, does it always mean what I think?
So, I question my own thinking from time to time and that’s served me because it keeps my emotions under control. I feel like great entrepreneurs don’t get quite too high and they don’t get really too low. They have a measure of emotional control or poise about them that helps them make the decisions they need to make to move their business or their life forward. So, for me it all starts first with my thinking and I do it, I regularly question myself on, is what I’m thinking serving me? Does this belief system serve me?
Even if it’s true, does it serve me to believe that there’s no capital out there? Does it serve me to believe that where I live is different than where everybody lives, so my business may not work here? Does it serve me to believe that we’re going into a recession or a depression? These thoughts … Right before our call on was on with an entrepreneur that I coach and he kept saying things to me that were just nonsense. They weren’t true, but he believes them so firmly, they’re going to be true in his life. And so, what you think about yourself matters. What you think about your opportunity, your product, your company matters. What you think about your timing matters. And so, really getting a hold and taking an inventory of what you think about is the first step.
JLD: So, there’s a quote that doesn’t really fit this concept perfectly I want to attribute to Mark Twain because I’m sure most of them are, but it’s, “When you find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to pause and reflect.” And, that’s the thing that I’ve always tried to do over the years is, you know, I’ve said, “Okay, like I believe this is true and it seems like everybody else believes this is true. Okay, maybe that’s a little red flag there.” Maybe you need to step back and say, “Am I just believing that this is true because it just seems to be the consensus because everybody’s raising their hand and saying, ‘I vote for this’?”
What if I just take pause and reflect and say, “Hmm, how have I actually made the big wins and maxed my business out over the years?” It’s by being in the minorities, by thinking outside of the boxes, by doing things differently in unique ways, Fire Nation.
Ed: Well, I’ll tell you something about that because that’s a good point.
JLD: Yeah, please do.
Ed: You just did something that I teach that, if you don’t point it out, it goes unnoticed. How’d you change what you thought? You changed the questions you’re asking yourself. You don’t just change the thought like, oh, I need to think positively. You have to reframe the question. And so, for example right now, we’re in this sort of crisis time, no matter when you’re listening to it.
Ed: There’s always some kind of crisis going on, am I right? But, the fact of the matter is, I’m asking myself right now, what is this trying to teach me? This is a teacher. Everything is happening for me and not to me. That stuff sounds good in good times, but in tough times, that’s put to the test.
So, the quality, the question I’m asking is, what is this trying to teach me right now? Just in terms of timing, just to give you an idea, most people are like, “Wow, terrible time to start a business.” Well, the truth is, that’s not true. The fact of the matter is that most of the time great entrepreneurs start their businesses, he or she, in down cycles either in the economy or in their personal life. That’s a fact. They’re not starting in the good times. They’re not starting when everybody’s running full-speed. To your point, they’re in the minority. Most successful entrepreneurs started their businesses or launched them during really difficult economic times or really difficult personal economic times.
Give you an example. Okay? Steve Jobs started this little company called Microsoft in 1975 in one of the worst economies of all time that got even worse in the early ‘80s, in ’80. Steve Jobs started it in ’76, Apple, terrible economy. Zuckerberg starts Facebook in ’04. Four years later he runs headlong into the ’08 crisis.
JLD: For real.
Ed: So, we could go on and on. Netflix started in ’97 right before 9/11 when they started to get going. Venmo, same thing. Started in ’04, ran right into the ’08 crisis. So, these businesses, most successful businesses were started when they were personally hurting or the economy was hurting. So, don’t believe everything you think.
JLD: And, one thing that I actually experienced personally in my life was getting into real estate way back in the day. And, I got in right before that ’08 crisis you’re talking about and all you just saw were these real estate agents driving Beamers and Audis and all they had known was just like these boom years and then all of a sudden the crash happens and it’s just wiped out. They did not know how to operate during those times of difficulty, but that’s all that I knew. Like, I got into it right as that happened and so you learn how to survive and sometimes even thrive when everybody else is getting washed out.
Then you kind of come out the other side. You look around, you’re like, “Oh, there’s actually not any competition anymore,” because all the people that have just kind of been living on that fluff lifestyle all these years, they got wiped out during the tough times and now it’s just clear road ahead. And, Ed, one thing that I’ve noticed from, you know, consuming a lot of your content over the years is, you’re pretty honest with your audience. You’re transparent. You’re genuine. And, there’s been times you’ve looked in the mirror and you’ve said, you know what? I’m usually a pretty thick guy. I usually workout pretty hard. But, every now and then things slip. I’m traveling a lot and not sleeping super great and maybe my nutrition drops a little bit.
And, you’ve had to kind of reevaluate and re-hone in on maxing out your fitness. So, how have you done that and what can you share with Fire Nation from lessons that you’ve learned over the years for being, let’s be honest, we’re middle-aged men, both of us. And, you know, we’re still pretty thick guys.
Ed: Yeah. For me, in life you get your standards and your reasons. I’d like to say I’m the most disciplined guy in the world, but I’m not. I have huge reasons to be fit and I get my standards. I’ve got a standard. So, even when I say, probably like you too, I go, “Man, I’m really slipping.”
Ed: My slip is probably a little bit, if I can just say it, a little bit higher level than most people’s slip, right? Even when I’ll say that to friends, I’m like, “I’m really not in my fittest right now.” They’re like, they’re probably gonna say, “Oh, stop it, bro.” You know. That’s because we get our standard. So, you should ask yourself what your standards are. In terms of reasons, I’ve never really talked much about this, but the reason that I have a real commitment to fitness is, when I was in my early 30s I had a heart attack. Most people don’t know this. And, I met a doctor who changed my life because he understood getting leverage on me, getting reasons embedded into my soul, right?
And, what I did is, I went and did this heart scan after my heart attack and he brings me back in the room with the scan and what most doctors would do is, they go, “Oh, okay, your arteries are 60% blocked. That’s Crestor, whatever, blood pressure medication, Ramacro. Go on with your life.” He knew he needed to get deep reasons to get me to change. And so, he puts the chart down, brother, and he goes, “Let me ask you a question. Do you have a daughter?” I went, “What?” He goes, “Do you have a daughter?” I said, “Yeah.” He says, “How old is she?” I said, “She’s 2.” “What’s her name?” I said, “Bella. Why?” He goes, “I’m just curious. Do you want to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day?”
Ed: I went, “What? What did you just say?” He goes, “Do you want to walk her down the aisle on your wedding day?” I go, “Yeah, very much.” He goes, “I want you to listen to me, young man. If you keep eating the way you’re eating with your genetics, you keep skipping the gym, another man’s gonna walk your daughter down the aisle on her wedding day.”
Ed: “Do you hear me?” And, I went – You know what it’s like as a dad. I mean, that went, woo, like right into my soul. My daughter’s wedding day, right? That’s leverage. And he goes, “Let me give you the good news. If you change, if you eat the way I tell you to, if you take the right nutritional supplements and medication I’m gonna give you, and you get up and workout every day, you will walk that little girl down the aisle someday at her wedding.” And, I went like, “Give me it.” And, there have been thousands, bro, since that day of mornings, it’s 5:00, I was traveling the night before. I get up, I don’t want to go to the gym. Bam, Bella’s wedding day. Bam, Bella’s wedding day.
I am fit because of that reason. I am fit because of those standards. So, when you can link big old reasons to what you need to get done that maybe you don’t want to do, those reasons, your love, your dreams for other people will override your lack of discipline every time. So, that’s sort of the secret sauce for me. It doesn’t mean I’m not vain. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to look good. Those are all elements that count. I like how I feel when I train. But, what gets me to do things other guys aren’t willing to do is because I’ve got reasons and standards other dudes don’t have.
JLD: Fire Nation, Ed just shared that he has standards and he has a reason. He’s not going to lose or drop his standards when he gets to a certain point he’s like, “Okay, time to double down, time to refocus.” For me, I have a literal line that is drawn in the sand and I will not cross that line. You know, for me it’s 12.5% body fat. Like, I am constantly measuring and if I go over that line, it’s gonna happen from time to time for various reasons, but I know, okay, now it’s time to really crank back and refocus on what I know I need to do to get back on the right side of that line in the sand.
And, something that you shared, Ed, at the beginning of the show, which I did love is, you know, that was really cool that you were 5 years old and your wife was 4 years old when you first met. And, you know, not everybody is so blessed to have such close proximity to the person they were meant to be with. You know, like I mentioned, I didn’t actually even get to meet Kate ‘til I was 29 years old because I grew up in Maine, she grew up in San Diego. I got to move to San Diego at 29 years old to meet her. And, you know, of course all of these things happen for different reasons, but regardless, you have been able to, both time and quality, been able to max out your relationship.
Break that down for people that are listening right now that are entrepreneurs and they know they may be crushing it in business, but they’re not on the relationship side. And so, that’s just something that is missing in their life. Break it down for us.
Ed: Wow. I want to say something you’ve not heard before, you know. Because, you know, they say honesty and communication.
Ed: Right? Isn’t that what everybody says?
Ed: That’s not that those things don’t matter. They do matter. They’re the foundation. But, what’s a separator? How do you max it out? So, I’ll give you two things I think that were kind of special. First off, I married the baby daughter of an amazing couple. And, they set a standard, again. When I would go pick Christiana, that’s my wife’s name, up for dates, when you’d go to the front door you could see into their living room, bro. So, I could look in, like when you knock on the front door. If you could picture there’s a window to the left, I could see in there. And, obviously I’ve knocked on that door. My mother-in-law still lives in that house.
JLD: Oh, wow.
Ed: And, I knocked on that door and I could look in the living room. And, many of those dates would be, you know, a 6:00 p.m. movie date. Well, let me tell you what I would see often. I’d knock on the door and I’d glance to the left and in the living room the lights would be off and my father-in-law and my mother-in-law would be slow dancing in the living room.
Ed: No TV on, just being intimate, so to speak, right? And, I believe relationships that begin to not stay passionate lack intimacy. And, I don’t mean necessarily just sex, but I do mean that. If you move into a spot where you’re just living with your best friend … I’ve got a bunch of buddies that are my best friends that I don’t want to be married to. What separates a relationship is there’s intimacy. There’s connection. There’s touch. Now, as you age, maybe that’s not, you know, every night you’re doing what adults do, but it’s holding hands. It’s taking a walk. It’s being present with each other. It’s making sure you touch one another. It’s physical intimacy.
And, one of the things that’s been the secret sauce for us, because we have ups and downs like every couple. We’ve had times we’re on the brink many times, believe me. Not lately, but we’ve had that, you know, in the past over 30-something years. But, what we do have is intimacy. I’m attracted to her still. She’s still attracted to me. Now, we’re aging. We look different than we used to look. But, that’s a separator. My friends, if I’m being honest, that their relationships didn’t last, there became a point where they weren’t intimate. They weren’t attracted to one another. So, that’s an element that most people don’t talk about because it’s not comfortable to talk about, but it’s real.
And, the second thing that we have is, she doesn’t just love me, she believes in me. She doesn’t believe in every decision I’ve made or every business I’ve started, but the fundamental part of my self-confidence is that that woman believes in me. And, it gives me great strength, great confidence. And, because of that belief she can question decisions I make because there’s such a foundational belief I hold that she believes deeply in me. And so, I think those are two things that have made us really strong.
Of course, communication and honesty, but beyond that, we’re intimate, meaning we’re working on that connection all the time. And secondly, like I fundamentally know she believes in me and that gives us great connection and confidence. When you begin to think they don’t believe in you like they used to, you’re going down a bad road.
Ed: And, when you begin to not be intimate with one another, again, not just sex. I’m talking about touching, holding hands, hugging, just spending time in each other’s presence, you’re going down a road that’s dangerous as well. So, I think those are two things that aren’t often discussed that are really, really important to max out a relationship, at least from my perspective.
JLD: Fire Nation, you have plenty of friends. I have plenty of friends. You and your significant other aren’t just supposed to be friends. There needs to be intimacy there. And, it’s not just gonna be supernatural all the time. Like, there’s something you need to work on. There needs to be that real intimacy and that significant other, I know there’s a lot of people listening right now that are kind of getting that sinking feeling because they’re like, “Well, I’ve really just kind of been friends, you know, with my “significant other” for a long time now.”
And, you know, a lot of people just kind of let that go because it’s easier to let that go than to do the hard thing, which unfortunately is a lot of times the right thing and to release each other so you can actually go and find, you know, what Ed has found, you know, what I have found. Which, a lot of people have found. Which is, you know, that partner, you know, both in life, and you should be great friends on a lot of levels, but that intimacy has to be there. I love how you did go there, Ed, because you’re right. A lot of people don’t go there ever because it’s not always easy to talk about and it’s not always comfortable to talk about.
But, what we’re going to do the things that aren’t always comfortable, Fire Nation. And, if you think we’re even close to done dropping value bombs, we’re gonna be talking about your self-confidence, Fire Nation, your happiness, as soon as we get back from thanking our sponsors.
So, Ed, we’re back and as I kind of teased during the break, you know, we need to have self-confidence in everything that we do if we’re going to achieve the level of success that I know a lot of us want to achieve. So, talk to Fire Nation about maxing out our self-confidence.
Ed: Yeah. Well, you know, that’s something I talk a great deal about for those of you that don’t listen to me. The first thing is this. It’s such a huge part of our existence because we really do get what we believe we deserve and what we’re worth in life long term. There will be short-term windows where we’re not getting what we think we’re worth or we deserve, but long term we always get what we think we’re worth. And so, self-confidence, self-worth, and they’re different things, but they’re interconnected. You have to be intentional about this, not in left field. If we all would agree that self-confidence is this incredibly important thing to have in life, right? If we’d all say, “Oh, my gosh, yes.”
Okay. How intentional are you about working on it? It’d be like if you said, “I want a six-pack abs,” or, “I want certain size biceps,” or whatever, you’d be intentional about doing curls to build that bicep. You’d be intentional about your diet and your sit-ups if you were gonna build those abs. Well, we all go, “One of the most important things in life is self-confidence,” and we have no intentional game plan to gain more of it. So, how are you gonna … You’re just gonna miraculously get more self-confidence at 30 years old, at 40 years old? No. You better be intentional.
And so, my formula is really simple. I think self-confidence is the process of keeping the promises that you make to yourself over and over again and intentionally noticing and acknowledging it. So, for me, when I do get up out of bed, Bella’s wedding. I go, “I’m doing stuff nobody’s willing to do.” I’ve kept that promise and I bank it into the inventory of my self-confidence bank. When I say today I’ve got 11 Zoom calls, which is what I have today.
Ed: And, I’m gonna do one more because my motto is one more. One more rep in the gym, one more phone call, one more Zoom, one more text, one more whatever. I always add one more and when I add that one more I go, “I did it.” Bam, self-confidence bank, right? When I’m on the treadmill and I’ve got 30 minutes of cardio I’ve dedicated to do and I go, “One more,” and I do 31, not only do I do 31 minutes, I go, “Bam, one more. Self-confidence bank.” So, when you begin to live intentionally that way when you keep the promises you make to yourself plus one more and you intentionally credit the bank account of self-confidence with it, now you actually have a strategy, a plan, to actually gain that self-confidence like you would those abs or that bicep.
JLD: Fire Nation, I just have to repeat this one phrase that Ed shared that to me sums everything up here. Keep the promises you make to yourself and you’ll be adding to your self-confidence bank. I mean, why would you not want to be adding to the self-confidence bank? I mean, that’s what you’re doing here, building your self-confidence. And, how do you do that? You keep the promises that you make to yourself. And, Ed, people all day long will tell you, I’m sure you’ve heard it, I hear it every single day, “John, I just want to be rich,” or, “I want to make more money,” or, “I want more followers,” or, “I want more fame,” or, “I want more respect,” or, “I want more of this.”
What they’re really saying is, “John, I think I want those things because I think those things are gonna make me happier.” Let’s talk right now to Fire Nation. How can we max out the core happiness?
Ed: Wow, you really do listen to the stuff I talk about. I mean, honestly I think it’s the best interview I’ve had.
Ed: I mean, you’re incredible. That’s why you’ve done 2500 of them, so.
JLD: Thank you. Thank you.
Ed: And, to answer your question about happiness. One, it’s what we all want and if we could just clear out the clutter in our life and go, “What do we want?” “I want the jet because I think it’ll make me happy,” or, “I want the relationship because I think it’ll make me happy,” or, “I want the promotion because I think it’ll make me happier.” And, here’s what I have found. I don’t think you can love yourself if you’re not being yourself. And, so I think there has to become a point where you get really clear, not on what you think other people will think is cool about you or what you think other people will give you credit for, but what truly makes you happy.
And, it’s probably very small, very simple things for the most part. And so, in my life, like there’s six human needs. Tony Robbins and I both talk about these needs. The needs are … They’re not wants. They’re needs. And, I talk about them a little bit differently than Tony, but he speaks to this in an unbelievably articulate way too, but I look at it more on a personal and business level and on a sales level too. The six needs are: The need for certainty. The need for, you know, everything is gonna be okay, certainty in our life. Ironically, the second need is the need for uncertainty, right? Variety, spontaneity.
The third need is the need for significance or recognition. The fourth need is the need for love and connection, belonging. The fifth need is the need for growth, to grow. And, the sixth need is the need for contribution. A happy person is maxing out all six of those needs at any given time in their life through different venues, different avenues. But, at any given time in your life, one or two of those needs are more dominant in your life than others. Like, when I was younger, and I was 25 and coming up as an entrepreneur and a speaker and all that, significance, recognition. You know how you get me to come do your podcast? You go, “Hey, I’ve got 200,000 listeners.”
Ed: “A lot of people are gonna hear you.” And, I go, “Significance, yes.” Now, you get me to do your podcast where you go, “Hey, you could really help a lot of people.” Contribution. So, I know my two dominant needs now are growth and contribution. One need is not better than the other, but when you can get clear on which of those needs is most important to you at any given time, which two let’s say, then you’ve actually created an intentional pathway to get yourself more happiness. Maybe right now it is significance and recognition that you think will make you happy. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Maybe it’s more love and connection in your life. Maybe it’s more certainty. Maybe right now in the economic times at work or your business are so uncertain, you need to find things that bring you more certainty. Maybe you’re bored and you’ve been doing the same thing over and over again. What you need is more variety and uncertainty, right? Or, maybe you’re at this point in your life where you’re like, “You know, I haven’t really changed me much in a long time and so I’m listening to podcasts like John’s and other ones because I need to grow and I’m gonna feed that need in my life.”
Or, maybe it’s just, “I’ve made a lot of money, but I’m still not happy. Why am I not happy? I got the house. I got the love and connection that I wanted. I’ve got a lot of recognition. Why am I still not happy?” Well, maybe you’re not contributing or maybe you need to fill that need of contribution. A happy person is fulfilling all of those needs at any given time. And so, I just ask myself, what are my two dominant needs and how can I begin to act in accordance with fulfilling them? Because, what makes me happy right now, the truth is, may be very different from what makes you happy and I’m not better or worse than you and vice versa. It’s just a matter of getting clear on which one of those needs or two of them matter the most to me right now.
JLD: Fire Nation, you can’t love yourself if you’re not being yourself. And, going through those six certainty, uncertainty, significance, love and connection, growth, contribution. Ed, I’ll be honest for a second with you and with Fire Nation. I feel like if I’m looking at this, one area that I’ve kind of been coming up short on recently is uncertainty. So, if you were to hear somebody that you’re coaching share that with you, what’s something you would say to them that could really get them out of the fact that they’re really just not hitting that uncertainty factor?
Ed: Yeah, you’ve got to try new things and experience new things and go to new places right now, today. That’s not something that we can do in the current crisis, but if you’re listening to this after that fact, it’s try new things. Like, I have messages that I put out to fill the uncertainty need. You’ve seen them. About once every three or four months I’ll say, “Listen, here’s my outcome for you today. I’d like you to try a new coffee shop. I’d like you to go to a new gym. I’d like you to explore trying maybe yoga. Try a new form of meditation. Go to a new, if you’re single, try a new restaurant or club. Take a different off-ramp when you go to your job. Just drive in a different direction. Try a different podcast. Read a book on a topic that’s not something you’ve pursued before.
So, it’s actually intentionally trying to give yourself variety and it comes sometimes in the most simple things you do. You know what’s ironic is, most of us – It’s so brilliant that you said that. Most of us are constantly trying to get more certainty. We are. We want to save more money and be stable. We want to find a relationship that’s predictable and trustworthy.
Ed: Routines, all these things. But, you know the truth for many of us? Some of the happiest times in our lives were the most uncertain.
JLD: So true.
Ed: It’s when we were studying and trying to get our college degree and it was completely chaotic and we were broke and it was totally uncertain. It was when you were just first dating the person you were with and you didn’t know if they liked you and you weren’t sure about where it was gonna go and they were some of the happiest times. When you just started your business and everything was crazy and you didn’t know how you were gonna make it work. Some of the happiest times in our life are the most uncertain. And so, embracing uncertainty.
In fact, I have this theory, brother. Sometimes I believe that sometimes our happiness level is completely connected to the amount of uncertainty we can tolerate and deal with at any given time. So, it’s amazing that you picked that as the need for you because it’s a secret need in there that most people avoid. When you read those six needs, most people go, “I like the certainty thing. Love and connection, I got a lot of that. Significance, love it. That sounds good. Growth, contribution.” And, they kinda hide from the uncertainty one. It’s so brilliant you picked up on that. Yet, that may be the one that’s the pathway to magnify the other five. It may actually magnify the other five. So, great point.
JLD: When I look back on my life and I graduated college in 2002. I was on an army scholarship, so I was commissioned as an officer right after 9/11. And so, within 13 months I was in Iraq as a tank commander and, you know, it was a scary time.
Ed: Thank you for your service, bro. Thank you.
JLD: I appreciate that. And, it was a freaky time. It was scary. You know, I was in charge of 16 men. I was, you know, a tank commander of four tanks. And, I didn’t know what I was doing a lot of the times. You know, I was trying to just really keep up and do what was right and of course you’re in literally life and death situations every single day. And, there was so much uncertainty at every single day of my life. And, there was a lot of things that, you know, I would never wish upon anybody that happened during that time. But, at the same time, I look back and, man, I mean, the relationships and friendships that I made, the situations that I experienced.
Like, just the adrenaline rush of actually doing a job well and getting the job done during that time, it was at like an all-time high for me. And, there was never more uncertainty in my life than during that tour of duty in Iraq, you know, at 23 years old. You know, I was an officer for eight years, but that was like the time, that year that I was overseas in war. Like, that was it. And so, like talking now, you know, here almost 20 years later, I’m just like, where’s that uncertainty in my life? Like, it really just hasn’t been here in a while.
Ed: You’re brilliant, bro. Can I add to that?
JLD: Yeah, please.
Ed: Because, it’s like, you just gave the perfect example. It’s why we often would say that maybe we were happier as children than we are as adults because children, everything’s uncertain.
Ed: Right? And, everything’s new and we’re experiencing new things all the time. And, as we get older we avoid it. There’s almost a correlation to feeling alive and having uncertainty in our life. And, human beings are constantly trying to avoid the very thing that probably brings them the most happiness. It’s brilliant that you use that analogy because that’s real uncertainty that you’re describing.
JLD: I mean, I was just listening to the Patagonia Story where these guys, you know, back when they were like in their 30s, they just jumped in a van, you know, some place like in Long Beach or something, and they literally drove in this van from Long Beach all the way to Patagonia, Argentina. You know, going through Peru and Guatemala and all, like Chile, and like all those places. And, like listening to that story, I’m just like, man, there was so much uncertainty in that trip. Like, that’s what’s missing in my life.
Like, maybe not doing something as, you know, insane and crazy like that, because they were passionate about everything that they were doing to go hiking the North Face and all that stuff. But, I mean, man, there’s so much there.
Ed: It’s funny. Why do we watch TV? Why do people love Netflix? Because, it’s a peak into somebody else’s uncertainty, which is a story you don’t know. But, the ultimate uncertainty is, it would be you as the lead character, not watching someone else live it out. And, that’s why we have these indulgences of movies and television because it’s uncertain. We don’t know the plot. The bad part is, it’s not our life. So, it ends in an hour and it was artificial. It’s almost like a drug. But, when you live in uncertainty it’s part of your being. And so, that’s the difference. That’s happiness to me.
JLD: Ed, you have helped us max out our fitness, max out our relationships, max out our businesses, our self-confidence, our happiness. You have truly maxed out this entire interview. So, for that I thank you. Give us one takeaway that you really want to make sure Fire Nation just gets when they walk away from this chat. Give us the best way that we can follow you, find out more about you, consume your content, and then we’ll say goodbye.
Ed: Okay. First off, thank you for today. I enjoyed this tremendously.
JLD: Thank you.
Ed: And, you’re wonderful at this. So, that’s one takeaway I want to share with everybody is what a great show this is. Where to find me, Instagram’s probably the best place @EdMylett, E-D M-Y-L-E-T-T. And, YouTube channel, podcast, all that. All my stuff’s free. And so, I’d love to interact with any of you that I can help. In terms of a takeaway, I’ll give you one. I just want everybody to know this. I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you. And so, it is that you were born to do something great with your life and I know this may find you at a time where you’re not completely sure about that or maybe nobody’s told you in a while, but you’re not invisible. You’re not small. You’re supposed to do something great with your life. By the way, in small and big ways.
Some of that greatness is right now just reaching out to a friend of yours and just saying, “Hey, I love you. Are you okay? Do you need anything from me?” That’s greatness. And, you never know, if you do that at the right moment, necessarily how great that is. But, I think oftentimes we begin to forget that we were put here to do something awesome. And, if you have a big dream and you want to make something great with your life, chase that damn dream. You were born to do it. God did not sew that dream into your heart as a joke, as a hallucination. It’s a preview as to what is possible in your life if you’ll apply all the things we’re talking about here and you’ll be vigilant and there’s no timeframe on it.
Hopefully, the price you’re willing to pay for your dreams does not have a price tag where you’ll sell your family out and sell your dream out. For most people with enough failure, enough setbacks, enough difficulty, enough anxiety, they’ll surrender. They’ll sellout their dream. They’ll sell their family and they’ll move into average and ordinary, which is where they don’t belong and what they were not born to do. When you were born, the doctor did not grab you, slap you on the backside, and go, “Here, Mama, here’s an average one.” That’s not you.
All of us were born to do something great and none of us are more special than anybody else, but some of us will never realize it because we forget. And so, that’s what I’d like to remind you of today, you were born to do something special and do something great with your life.
JLD: Fire Nation, you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. You’ve been hanging out with Ed Mylett and JLD today, so keep up that heat. And, of course if you’re not already, follow Ed Mylett @EdMylett on Instagram. Please tune in to the Ed Mylett Show. It is must-listen content. And, Ed, I want to say thank you, brother, for sharing your truth with Fire Nation today. For that we salute you and we’ll catch you on the flip side.
Ed: Thank you, brother. God bless you.
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